Brie Fit

Our 5K walk did not send me into labor, but it felt worthy of commemorating since this is a fitness blog and all.  Yes, I finished, and it wasn’t that bad aside from having to pee and general baseball-bat-to-the-crotch feeling.

I don’t know why I’m posing like a supermodel, but…why not. 

So…bam.  41 weeks today.  Working it.

Let’s get this induction party started.  22 hours and counting!

One thing I didn’t anticipate was the crazy array of emotions that would come with being overdue.  Tomorrow, I will officially be 41 weeks pregnant, and even though I had mentally told myself I’d go late the entire pregnancy…there is nothing that can prepare you for this.  NOTHING.

The most jarring emotion that I didn’t expect was/is complete panic. Like, not worrying about how we’re going to care for the baby or anything, but just actual panic attacks that take my breath away where I can think nothing but “GET. HIM. OUT.” over and over again.  Like, I feel like I cannot possibly be pregnant for one more minute.  I’m not sure quite why, since I still feel pretty decent physically, but…I kind of feel like someone is sitting just an inch too close to me, and mouth breathing loudly in my ear, you now?

In other words, I’m struggling with…bodily integrity?  Or something.  Personal space, maybe.  Either way, it is absolutely panic-inducing, and I feel kind of bad about it, because everyone’s all, “enjoy it!” and I’m sure I will miss the kicks and such eventually.

Bullet points:

• Did two acupuncture induction sessions, one at 40w5d, one at 40w6d.  It was painful as hell, even though acupuncture is usually pretty calming.  The needles in the soles of my feet were particularly awful.  I reacted strongly to many of the needles…but no contractions, just an active baby.  My acupuncturist looked a little disappointed when I told her that.
• Have tried every natural induction method in the book—hours of walking, curb walking, spicy food…et cetera.  Nothing.
• I have managed to do a respectable amount of freezer meal making.  We now have homemade cinnamon and orange rolls, pizza dough, macaroni and cheese, meatballs, enchilada soup, and applesauce ready to go post-baby.  Not too shabby.
• My crotch hurts.  Pubic bone still feels like I’m being split in half.
• Swelling in the fingers and feet is kind of painful.  Especially in the morning.
• Clothing situation is dire.  Thank God for lululemon.  I cannot go more than a few hours without spilling all over myself because of the giant belly in the way, though. 

Anyway.  This WILL be the last weekly update, since come hell or high water I AM GETTING THIS BABY OUT by Wednesday at the very latest.  I’ll update when I can but may be a wee bit busy!

So I’ve been purposely vague about the specifics of “progress” at my doctor’s appointments here because 1) I know it’s pretty meaningless; and 2) isn’t the world better off with less talk about my cervix generally?  I think so.

I started having internal checks around 36 weeks.  At that point, I was 1 centimeter dilated and everything was very, very high.  I thought, no big deal, meaningless, plenty of time to progress.

Except every week since then, the report has been the same—1 centimeter, roughly 25% effaced, baby and accompanying cervix super high.  And now, at 40 weeks, 3 days pregnant, I’m overdue and it’s time for this kid to get the hell out.  I have had zero contractions or any other indication that my body is preparing for labor.

My doctor, who I trust, said that because the baby and I are so disgustingly healthy, we could safely go a few days past 41 weeks, but that at that point…there’s not really much benefit to him staying in, but a decent amount of risk.  And I agree.  I feel like going past 41 weeks has given him a good enough chance of coming out on his own, and I don’t really have anything to prove by resisting an induction.

So.  Our marching orders:

Bottom line: I will report for a Cervadil gel induction Monday night at 6 pm.  They’ll insert the gel.  If that doesn’t start contractions or break my water, they’ll proceed to Pitocin Tuesday morning at 6 am.

In some ways, I am both disappointed AND relieved.  I still have a few days for him to come on his own, but I feel a little sad that I might miss out on that, “OMG!  I’m in labor!” moment, and that I might have to deal with more intense contractions from Pitocin that might make avoiding pain medication more difficult.  I sort of feel a little bit like my body has failed me, too.  So that sucks a little bit.

But on the other hand, I feel relieved that we have a definite end date.  It was also nice that I was able to pick my favorite doctor to deliver the baby, since there are six possible options in my OB practice.  The doctor said I could schedule it any day between now and next Thursday, so I picked based on a) wanting to give it just a few more days to see if anything happens naturally and b) the doctor I felt the most comfortable with.  We’ll be able to make sure the animals are boarded safely and taken care of; Tim will be able to finish a few things up at work; the house will be clean and the laundry will be done; and my family is making travel plans.

So, it is what it is.  I’m going in for an acupuncture induction session on Friday, with a follow-up on Saturday if it doesn’t work, but I can’t believe that, no matter what, I’ll be holding our sweet baby boy within a week!

My due date came and went yesterday with nothing exciting to report.  Not surprising, since some ridiculously low percentage of babies actually come on their due dates, but Tim and I are disgustingly punctual people so I was hoping our kid might be, too.

But no dice.

Tim absolutely insisted on taking a photo of me on my due date.  I post it here JUST because I want to remember how un-glamorous this pregnancy thing is when I get the baby fever again sometime. Please note greasy, unwashed hair, food stains on shirt, swollen sausage fingers, double chin.

I feel like I am at a point where people kind of bow out of advice getting.  I’m getting a lot of, “well, I delivered at 38/39 weeks and was miserable enough, so…I can’t even imagine how awful you feel now!”

Thanks.  Helpful.

A whole crop of new symptoms have appeared in the last few days, too, which is fun.  They include:

• Acid reflux.  I’ve been gloriously reflux-free until now, when I wake up in the middle of the night gagging on fire.
• Swelling.  I have sausage fingers and toes. 
• Carpal tunnel, or just generally stiff, painful fingers.
• Pubic bone separation of some kind.  This one is no joke.  TMI: while wiping the other day, I noticed THAT I CAN STICK MY HAND between the two halves of my pelvis.  I can walk, but forget anything that involves my legs going in two different directions.  Rolling over in bed and putting pants on are particularly awful.
• Inability to sleep.  Everyone keeps telling me to stock up now, but I seem to be an insomniac at night, and I keep waking up because my pelvis hurts so much.

Also?  I would just like to say that complaining about how uncomfortable I am right now is not related to my gratitude and absolutely joy that we are lucky enough to be having a healthy baby.  I have received a few snarky comments about how I should just be grateful—and trust me, I am.  But I am also allowed to be in pain, and it’s something of a dick move to say that I should just suck it up and deal quietly because I wanted this and I’ve suffered miscarriages.  That’s all.

Anyway, I’m on maternity leave now, which is kind of awesome for the time being.  I am glad I won’t have to worry about traffic, commuting, driving myself home in labor, co-worker comments, and back pain from my stupid desk chair anymore.  I have already turned fifteen pounds of apples into applesauce and am about to go get the oil changed in my car.  Awesome!

Anyone want to place a wager on this baby’s arrival date/size?  Leave it in the comments.

…and still pregnant.

I haven’t been blogging lately because frankly, my mind is pretty much 100% consumed with impending baby.  I am completely in the "get it out" mindset now.  It hurts and I’m tired.  Mentally, I’ve been "preparing" myself to go late from day one since I know the first-time-mom lottery isn’t in my favor, but there is really nothing you can do to prepare for this. 

The good was that this was my last week of work, but man, it wasn’t pretty.  I was dragging major ass all week.  I am so, so tired of wearing the same 8 maternity dresses, let me tell you.

My co-workers threw me a book-themed shower, so this kid is fully prepared to be a big nerd like his parents now–it was very sweet of them and I had a great time!

The bullet points:

• I feel like I’ve been kicked in the crotch.  My pubic bone is obviously separating and it makes doing anything in which my legs need to go two different directions extremely painful.  The absolute worst things are putting on pants, rolling over in bed, and getting up into our very high bed.  Ouch.
• Doctor’s appointment again billed us both as perfectly healthy, but involved the phrases, "We’re just going to have to wait this kid out," and "hmm, there’s got to be a cervix up in there SOMEWHERE."  So basically, no progress, but essentially all that is meaningless anyway.  (RIGHT?  RIGHT!?!??)  My OBs are very natural-minded, and don’t talk induction until you start getting past 41 weeks, which is both reassuring and panic-inducing.
• Foot cramps.
• One of the frustrating things about being almost due is that I feel like I can’t procrastinate anything!  Everything has to get done right now this minute…or it might not get done.  And I feel like my house has to be fairly tidy all the time, because God forbid I go into labor with dust bunnies on the floor.
• Baby’s movements are starting to hurt.  He is clearly running out of room, so when he sticks knees or elbows or a butt out, I really feel like he’s stretching out my skin beyond what it should be.
• Related: oh, the stretch marks.  I avoided them altogether, but now there are more every day, mostly in a nice smile beneath my belly button.
• Absolutely no contractions.  Mild cramping, some in my lower back, some that could be round ligament pain.
• Did acupuncture last Saturday and going again later today.  Since I was 38w6d at my last appointment, she did a more gentle “labor preparation” session, but said she would step up the intensity this week, since I will be just twelve hours shy of my due date.  And if I DO reach the point where there’s an induction on the calendar, I’ll go in for a full-blown acupuncture induction first.
• I gave up on the idea of cooking a beautiful freezer full of meals to eat after the baby is here.  I’ve been lucky to get dinner on the table at all this week, so forget any extra cooking.  Instead, I went to Trader Joe’s and stocked up on frozen meals and snacks.  Same difference, right?

So, now I’m on maternity leave. 

have had a generally easy, very healthy pregnancy, for which I am very thankful.  In fact, I found myself telling my OB this week, "It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be."  And that’s true!  I really anticipated that I would be horribly uncomfortable at this point, and I’m not. 

Buuut I’m kind of over it.  I have one more week of work, and I am just not quite mentally all there anymore.  I am achy by the end of the day, and we’ve still been seeing triple digit temperatures every day.  And I am rapidly outgrowing my maternity clothes, or also getting stains all over them because I can’t eat a meal without covering my giant belly in food.  And I can’t go out in public without feeling like a total sideshow.

And you know what I realized last week?  Between miscarriages and this pregnancy, I have been pregnant for almost the entire last year.  (Beginning in early September 2011, I was only NOT pregnant in some capacity from November 1-20 and December 3-24-ish 2011.  I have been pregnant for all of 2012, though we didn’t find out until a few days after the new year).  Gross, right?

Every morning I wake up and think, "damn.  Still pregnant.  Guess I have to go to work today."

But enough bitching.  I’m going to use this weekend to spoil myself and do things I enjoy.  I got a pedicure last night after work.  Whee! 

Randoms:

• It’s hilarious now when people are like, "DON’T LIFT THAT BOX!" and whatnot.  I want to be like, "Um, so what if it sends me into labor?  I’m full term, bitches.  Give me more boxes!"
• Doctor’s appointment this week was fine.  Baby and I are the picture of health.  My blood pressure was something like 110/70, baby’s heartbeat was in the 140s. 
• I have had some signs of progress, but nothing major or worth getting excited about.  But I get excited about it anyway, and it leads to a big fat nothing.
• I read two books of birth stories this week, both of which I enjoyed much more than the oft-recommended, absurdly crunchy Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.  The first was The Midwife: A Memoir of Birth, Joy, and Hard Times about a midwife working with nuns in London after the war.  I am currently working on Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife, which is about a midwife in California in the 1960s.  I have really enjoyed both of them and it’s been great to read birth stories that are less about visualizing ocean waves in my yoni or whatever than about regular women, having babies in whatever way feels best to them.
• Still love our giant bathtub so, so, so much.  That is where I do most of my reading.  I soak for about an hour each night and it’s the happiest part of my day.
• Going for acupuncture today.  I haven’t been since the end of first trimester, since everything has been so easy peasy for me.  According to my acupuncturist, these “pre-birth” treatments will help start relaxing everything to prepare for labor.  And if I DO reach the stage where my OBs think I need to be induced, I can do an acupuncture induction with her first to try to prevent that.  (But, I’m not there yet.  Tomorrow is just general birth prep.)

Almost there.  It is crazy that the milk in my fridge will expire after my due date!

I’ve been working on the nursery since we found out we were having a boy, and…ta-da!  Now it’s done.

When I started the whole nursery decoration process, I was a weensy bit overwhelmed.  I tend to think in negatives rather than positives when it comes to planning, so I first started to think about what I didn’t want.  That list included:

• Tree decals. They are everywhere.  I’m allergic to trees anyway.
• Birds.  I don’t like birds and I think owls are creepy.
• Anything too gender-neutral.  I’m not saying I want our children to have rooms that look like ballerinas and footballs threw up all over them, but I really am not a fan of 95% of the gender-neutral nurseries I’ve seen.  I don’t like yellow, I don’t like green. 
• Bed-in-a-bag type sets from Babies R Us or similar.  I don’t need rockstar monkeys all over the every damn thing in the room.  Subtle themes, people.
• Pastels.  With a boy, I wanted to do something a little bit more bright and fun.

So, of course, I went to Pinterest and started a board around the theme I’d had in the back of my mind: children’s books.  Slowly, and with the help of a very talented friend who made our crib bedding and curtains, things started coming together bit by bit.

The view from the door:

The nursery gets a LOT of bright, direct sunlight, so we had blackout curtains made.  They are still pretty hard to photograph, but I did my best!

We went for a cheap but well-reviewed crib (Graco Lauren) and dressed it up with fancy bedding made by a friend.  (YES, I will remove the bumpers and stuffed animals before there’s an actual baby in there—decoration only!)

For the gallery wall, we used images from our favorite children’s books plus prints from Etsy.

The books featured include Corduroy, Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel, Now We are Six, Babar, Curious George, The Cat in the Hat, Where the Wild Things Are, The Big Orange Splot, and a vintage alphabet book.

The glider was our big splurge item, but it is SO comfortable.  I am still on the hunt for a tiny side table or nightstand that will hold a small lamp and a few other odds and ends!

Neener neener.  We have a name (and a yarn monogram on the wall that is super cute) but we’re not telling. 

I admit that the dresser is a bit small.  But we have a lot of closet storage space and I adore the red glass knobs.  Also, we have a funky chevron changing pad cover on the way that matches the other nursery fabrics that I think will be a fun contrast.

This will be for toys, books, etc.

The closet!  It looks kind of messy but is quite organized, actually.

Bought these dividers on Etsy.  They were very cute but I was a wee bit annoyed that I had to cut and assemble them myself.  Oh well, shoulda read closer.

Bear and Sophie.

The bear in the back was made out of a quilt my grandmother made a long time ago.  We also have a Sleep Sheep, a Pacimal, and Big and Little Nutbrown Hare from Guess How Much I Love You.

Light switch cover detail—the fabric matches the pillow on the glider.

Glider and ottoman: Best Chairs Quinn from USA Baby

Paint: Behr River’s Edge from Home Depot

Crib: Graco Lauren from Target

Crib mattress: Colgate Clasica from Amazon

Crib sheet: QuickZip sheet set from Amazon

Dresser: vintage, refinished by me, from Good Ju Ju

Gallery wall frames: Canopy from Wal-Mart

Storage cubes: Closetmaid from Target

Storage cube bins: Closetmaid from Target

Closet Dividers: HeadsUpGirlsBaby on Etsy

Let the Wild Rumpus Start print: Rawartletterpress on Etsy

Bunny and hedgehog prints: Trafalgar Square on Etsy

Dumbledore print: Custom West Eighty Third on Etsy

Crib skirt and curtain fabric: Remix Dot Stripe in Celebration by Robert Kaufman

Crib bumper fabric: Red Argyle by Robert Kaufman

Changing pad cover (in progress) fabric : Remix Zigzag in Celebration by Robert Kaufman

Yarn monogram: DIY, using this tutorial

Video monitor: Motorola from Amazon

Happy September 1!  I am having a baby THIS MONTH, come hell or high water.  I’ll be 42 weeks on the last day of the month, and my OB most likely won’t let me go much past 41.5 weeks.  Bananas.

Hi Milhouse.  No, this is not your personal pillow.

This week, the good:

• Doctor’s appointment went well.  Baby’s heartbeat is fine, and my blood pressure and such are fine, although the doctor commented that my weight gain was, "plenty, but not much we can do about that at this point."  That was a little rough.  But he’s right and we’re healthy, so that’s what matters.
• We had the car seat inspected.  Tim installed it perfectly so it took all of five minutes.  Three cheers for Tim!
• My deep love of our giant bathtub with jets.  I have, no lie, taken a bath every single night this week and stayed in there until I’m pruny.  It’s the only thing that makes my back and hips feel better at the end of a long day. 
• I don’t feel awful.  I am actually surprised that I still feel mostly decent, just big, and kind of achy, and tired, and OMG so sick of triple digit temperatures.

This week, the bad:

• Stretch marks.  I escaped them until 37 weeks, 5 days, and then I woke up that morning with Saturn-like rings around my belly button.  So close, but yet so far.
• The comments.  I get that people are trying to be encouraging and positive, but telling me, repeatedly, "I think you’ll have the baby this weekend!" is just not helpful because a) I don’t want to get my hopes up, as my doctors have told me to plan on 41+ weeks; and b) it is basically a nice way of saying, "wow, you’re huge." 
• YES, MONDAY IS LABOR DAY.  Hysterical.  Haven’t heard that one before, har har har.
• Not sleeping well because of the multiple bathroom trips a night.
• The nostalgia (or whatever you want to call it).  I suspect that maybe I liked pregnancy more than I think I did, because now that it’s almost over I’m like, "but I don’t want to have to share the baby with anyone else!"  Yeah, parts of pregnancy really suck, but I feel all weepy and emotional thinking about how it’s almost over.
• We went out to dinner Saturday night and my belly did not fit in the booth.  Mortifying.
• My maternity clothes are getting too short/small.  As if my wardrobe wasn’t limited enough already…it’s getting desperate.

And so, we keep on trucking.  Any day now!

Other possible subtitles: a study in growing out a short haircut; a tour of ugly bathrooms; or I can’t believe I used to think I was big.

Depending on how you judge it (some people say 37 weeks, some say 38), I’m now one day shy of full term pregnant.

And this is what that looks like:

I’m no longer panicked.  I feel like some sort of calming hormone has been released, and even though I can get ragey about all kinds of other stuff, I am not afraid of labor, or being a mom anymore.  Maybe I should be? 

I know we’re as ready for this as we can get.  I know Tim is going to be a totally amazing father, and we are going to be lucky enough to have family and friends to help us find our way.

Anyway, remember how I said I wouldn’t write a birth plan?  Well, I’m still not, but we decided it would be a wise idea to have a cheat sheet regarding purely medical decisions, just in case.  I refuse to say things like "I will want music" or "I will require vanilla-scented candles, green Gatorade, and three pillows" because I still have no idea what my preferences will be.  But medical decisions probably won’t change in the moment.  So, without further ado, my birth “cheat sheet” or whatever:

• I would prefer to have a flexible birth environment above all else and want to know my options before any decisions are made.
• I would like to go without pain medication for as long as I can tolerate, but I am open to pain relief and will ask for it if needed.  In the event that I request pain relief, I would prefer an epidural to analgesics.
• I would prefer to tear naturally over an episiotomy. 
• After the birth, we would like the cord clamping and cutting delayed until it stops pulsing.  We would prefer to delay any non-emergent procedures such as a bath until after breastfeeding has been established.
• In the event the baby and I must be separated, Tim is to stay with the baby at all times.
• We are undecided on circumcision and would like to speak with our pediatrician before it is done.

Anyway, that’s the best I could come up with, and I think it’s pretty clear.  I really hope I don’t get the eyeroll for being the chick with the birth plan, but I think this one’s fairly flexible, which is what we were going for.  (BTW, skin-to-skin immediately post-birth is the default at my hospital, which is why I didn’t write it in there.)  I may or may not even give it to my doctor.  I don’t know.  It was helpful to write it out, anyway.

This week:

• Another doctor’s appointment.  Everything is normal.  I saw the OB this week who did my D&C back in November, and it was bittersweet.  Seeing him reminded me of my losses, of course, but I’m glad to be seeing him in this state this time around.  He was very impressed that I have not had any swelling at all, my blood pressure was in the 120/70 range, baby’s heartbeat was 152 and my fundal height is right on track.
• Serious craving for fountain pop.  I want a huge Diet Coke with lots of ice, and the canned variety will not do.
• At least 2-3 bathroom trips overnight.  Laying on my side all night makes my hip ache ON that side, so I tend to sleep to the left, get up to pee, switch to the right, get up to pee, repeat.
• Generally large, tired, easily annoyed, and my back and hips ache, but…you know.  That’s normal, I guess.  I feel surprisingly good given the circumstances, so long as I take it relatively easy and don’t try to do too much.

And now…we wait.