Brie Fit

Technically, a day late, since I’m 16 weeks today.  But week 15 is over!

Big development this week was purchasing a mom-mobile for me.

I’m now the proud owner of a 2010 Toyota Rav4!

We went to the dealership yesterday and engaged in some major haggling.  Well, by major, I mean, we did our best.  We brushed up on DadHTP’s car haggling tips beforehand, and did our best to use them.  We visited three dealerships, and eventually decided this Rav4 was the car for me.  (I liked the Honda CRV as well, but it was pricey, even used, and the Nissan Rogue, but the dealer near us had a very limited selection.) 

Unfortunately, because we NEEDED to drive home a car this weekend, we probably weren’t as aggressive as we could have been, but we’re happy with our purchase.  We worked with my car dealer (in another state, boo) uncle over the phone, and he helped us work out our offer strategy over lunch.  Ultimately, we paid $500 below list price, and over $1000 under Blue Book value, so I feel pretty good about that!

(Her name is Daenerys Targaryen.  Dany, for short.)

Anyway, to make this baby-related—before the past few weeks, I’ve driven a tiny car (a Corolla) and Tim has driven a giant car (an Envoy).  We decided it might be better to switch that around, because given our schedules I’ll be doing much of the baby and child-carting.  We’re still waiting to see if Tim’s SUV is a total loss, but if it is (I hope I hope I hope), he’ll be getting a regular midsize car to replace it.

We ultimately chose the Rav4 because it’s roomy without being ginormous, safe, can fit two rear-facing carseats in the back comfortably, and I am a Toyota loyalist.

In other baby-related news, we took baby steps towards starting on the nursery this weekend, thanks to my mother-in-law!

Our nursery will likely be a vintage-y children’s book theme, so she brought us all kind of old books she’d picked up at her local library sale.

Our plan is to use pictures from these as nursery artwork. 

I want to frame the pages from this alphabet book either spelling out the baby’s name and/or initials:

(No, we’re not naming the baby Lily if it’s a girl.  Just an example.)

The other books have some gorgeous illustrations I can’t wait to frame, like this one, from a childhood favorite of mine, Corduroy.

I have no decorating sense at all, but I have the help of a friend and hopefully it’ll come together well.

This week, generally, I feel fabulous and often forget I’m pregnant.  The “symptoms,” if you can even call them that:

• Extreme hunger.  I am starving.  I woke up in the middle of the night the other day and ate trail mix, if that gives you any idea of what it’s like. 
• Sciatic pain and leg cramps.  By the end of most days, especially if I’ve been on my feet a lot, my left buttcheek is killing me, and I’ve had some nasty leg cramps before bed.
• Round ligament pain.  Lots of aches and twinges.
• Bubbles and flutters.  I may or may not be feeling the baby move a little bit at this point.  It could just be gas, I’m well aware, but I’ve had a very light sensation like popcorn popping a few times that feels almost ticklish.  It happens most frequently at night, after a big meal, when I’ve laid down on the couch to watch some TV.  I’m sure it’ll take a few more weeks to feel movement for sure, but I think this might be it.

I had an OB appointment this week and all was well. Lumpy’s heartbeat was 156, and they had to chase him or her around my stomach with the Doppler wand because of all the movement!  I was hoping for a quick ultrasound peek to see if we could find out the sex of the baby, but no dice.

Fitness-wise, I made it to CrossFit twice.  I was shooting for three times, and had planned on going Saturday, but I didn’t think we’d get the check for my car so quickly and we had to go car shopping instead.

I’m getting super anxious to find out if Lumpy is a boy or a girl!  Just three more weeks until we find out…I hope they speed by!  I haven’t let myself do too much shopping yet, but I know that’s when the floodgates will open.  I know a lot of people don’t find out until the baby’s born, but I feel like, for me, knowing whether we’re having a son or a daughter will really help both of us with the bonding process during pregnancy.

Here’s hoping week 16 is another good one!

It’s been a crazy one over here so far!

After work on Friday, I rushed straight to the grocery store, since I knew we desperately needed food but didn’t have much time this weekend.  We made a quick dinner of homemade pizza and we were off to CrossFit for a poker tournament!

It was a $20 buy-in, BUT you got an extra $20 in chips if you did a WOD first, so of course we did.  We did a poker themed WOD—the coaches split us into groups and split a deck of cards.  Each suit stood for a different move (push-ups, sit-ups, squats, jumping lunges) and we had to do the number on the card.  So, it was fun.  But we finished!

And then I won the poker tournament.  And Tim came in 2nd, so we collectively took home the $240 pot.  Baller.

This morning, I slept late and again headed to CrossFit.  (Glutton for punishment, right?)

Today’s WOD was a little different.  We did the following exercises, first in a set of 45 seconds work/15 seconds rest, then two minutes rest, then 30 seconds work, 10 seconds rest, two more minutes rest, then 20 seconds of each move, no rest in between.  Complicated, but fun!  The moves were:

• Box jumps
• Push presses (65# for me)
• Mountain climbers (ugh)
• Air squats
• Power cleans (65# for me again)
• Push-ups (toes for me, yay, though they weren’t pretty or fast)
• Burpees

A few thoughts:

• I like box jumps.
• I liked doing a WOD that was time-based, rather than reps-based, because I lifted heavier and slower.  It didn’t matter that I only did, say, 6 or 7 push presses in 45 seconds, because they were heavier than I normally do. 
• I have a hickey-like bruise on my collarbone from power cleans.  It makes me feel hardcore.
• I am less hopeless at burpees these days.  Some guy explained that it didn’t matter that you were doing a pretty push-up at the bottom of the move, and that you could basically just slam your chest down and jump your hands up to your feet from there, and that helps me, a lot.
• Push-ups are ugly, but I’m getting there.  Unless we’re doing 100+ reps, I’m going to make myself do toe push-ups this month to achieve my 10 perfect push-ups goal this month.
• My body feels fried from five days of CrossFit in a row.  I need a rest day tomorrow!

Then, today, we went furniture shopping and bought a couch and a loveseat that we desperately need.

It looks beige there, but it’s really grey.  I am looking forward to having a place to sit now!

I also bought two sweaters, jeans, a dress, and a necklace with my winnings.  Good times.

And finally, for your enjoyment…we have this awesome mirrored headboard (sarcasm font) that we haven’t taken down yet.  Milhouse proved he is genius last night by growling at his own reflection for about twenty minutes.  It was sad, but also adorable.  Please excuse my wheezy laugh.

Now, we’re jetting off to our neighborhood Christmas party.  Fun!  I am looking forward to meeting the neighbors.  I hope I’m not too awkward.

How’s your weekend going?

Happy Labor Day!  We are obviously not laboring today, which is quite nice. Tim’s new job starts tomorrow and we’re both pretty excited.

Anyway, I’m going to start this post off with something of a conundrum that I need your help with.

I just don’t like running anymore.  I’ve talked a bit before about how I have major fitness ADD.  Specifically, here is a list of things I’ve really gone bananas for since I’ve started being a Fit Person.

• June 2008-August 2008: Workout DVDs
• September 2008-December 2008: Running
• January 2009-May 2009: New Rules of Lifting for Women
• June 2009-October 2009: BodyPump/kickboxing/yoga classes
• October 2009-April 2011: Running
• April 2011-August 2011: Swimming
• August 2011-Present: CrossFit

I just tend to get really into things, and eventually drift away from them to explore something new.  And that’s okay!  (At least, I think it is.)  As long as I’m moving and active, I am thrilled. 

But..back in February, I registered for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon on October 15th.  And since then, I literally can barely make myself run more than 4 miles at a stretch.  My longest run since April has been 5 miles.  I just don’t enjoy the long runs very much these days—I’d rather be doing CrossFit or a short, fast run.

Anyway, I’ve paid for this race and booked a plane ticket and my sister’s going with me.  It wasn’t cheap.  I feel like that should be motivation enough, but it’s not working.

So.  What do I do?  I see my options as follows:

• Suck it up once or twice and attempt to finish training since I have a good running base.  I could feasibly do long runs of 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 miles the next few weeks before the race.  Hope that the crazy hills in this race don’t kill me. Run the whole thing.
• Write it off as a fun adventure.  Run what you can, walk up the big hills, don’t worry about your time.

Not attempting it is NOT an option, but I guess I just don’t know how to approach it. I feel obligated to give it a good shot, but part of me just wants to say “what the hell?” and really ENJOY a race without feeling like a failure for walking some of it.  Though I’m not sure that’s in my DNA.

Anyway, this morning I did this:

And then this:

(Super duper hill run.  I actually finished 3 miles in 35:00 flat, but didn’t stop my Garmin while I walked a bit to cool down.  I hated pretty much every step of it.)

Southie and Buckley are angry that we’re cracking down on strict mealtimes lately.  Doesn’t she look surly?

Then there was lunch (egg+white, bacon, homemade bread that didn’t freaking rise, cherries):

Then I took my husband shopping for his first day of work and ended up buying more than he did.  Whoops.

Pulled pork in the crockpot + corn on the cob for dinner:

Plan for tomorrow is to hit up 5:30 CrossFit again. 

PS: I’m selling one of my lululemon jackets on eBay at a discount here.  I love love love how it looks, but on second thought, the fit just wasn’t quite right on me and I’d like to get a different style!  Check it out.

What do I do?  Force myself to suck it up and train, or just have fun and wing it on race day?

My camera is in its case in my work bag and I’m too lazy to go get it.  Also, my nail polish is wet and it might smudge.

I made some chicken enchilada soup last week, and it’s ahhhmazing.  I had the leftovers today for lunch and will be doing so again tomorrow.  I loosely based mine off this recipe.

I did not buy this dress today, but I’m kind of regretting it.  I really like it.  It was $36 at Loft.

I went back to the eye doctor today.  I also got my hairs cut.  They spike my hair up like Anne Burrell when they do it and I immediately flatten it as soon as I walk out of the door.  Just call me Ms. Milquetoast.

I freaking love CrossFit.  Today’s WOD (“Barbara Lite”) was 5 rounds of:

• 10 pull-ups
• 20 push-ups
• 30 sit-ups
• 40 squats
• 2 minute break

I completed 4.5 rounds in 25 minutes.  I skipped the last break because I really wanted to push.

It’s becoming extremely apparent that I have zero core strength and marginal upper body strength, but my lower body is a rockstar.  I have no trouble with squats, lunges, or box jumps—but I’m a weensy bit embarrassed to admit that I still have to do girly knee push-ups, and use a resistance band (and some jumping) to do pull-ups.

Hard work, though, and I’ll fix that.  Rawr.

It’s bedtime and my tummy is rumbling. 

What are your randoms today?

Also known as “use up the cantaloupe day.”

Anyway, I’ve been getting up at a reasonable hour to make the most of my staycation.  I got up this morning when Tim left for work and had two multigrain waffles with maple syrup and some cantaloupe.

Then, I went shopping.  Again.  For the third time since last Saturday. 

Three different malls, zero purchases of clothes.  What’s wrong with me?  I just can’t pull the trigger on anything.  I NEED fall clothes, but I’m totally uninspired by everything I’m seeing.  Boo.

Anyway, I had a little lunch when I got home:

Trader Joe’s easy mac, carrots and hummus, cantaloupe, and the last of the cherries.

I spent my afternoon napping, cleaning, and doing laundry.  Before CrossFit, I had an egg sandwich and (shocker) more cantaloupe.

And a banana with peanut butter.

Then, I went back for another “test class” at CrossFit.  I’m pretty stiff and sore yesterday, but I kind of love that feeling!

Today’s WOD was:

• 7 minutes, AMRAP (as many reps as possible)
• 10 sumo deadlift high pulls (35 pound kettlebell)
• 10 sit-ups
• 7 minutes
• 10 laps around the parking lot (4 laps with a medicine ball)
• 7 minutes
• 10 toe-to-bars (mine were more like knees to chest…I’ll get there)
• 10 burpees, jumping over a bar

I think I did really well on the first two 7 minute segments, but I really struggled with the last one.  My grip strength is terrible, and my hands were sweaty, and I admittedly have no core strength whatsoever.  But…everyone has strengths and weaknesses, I guess!

Anyway, I really enjoyed the workout as well as the social aspect of it all.  It was really nice to chat with other people and encourage each other, and it felt really great.   I will definitely be incorporating CrossFit workouts from here on out—I’m not sure if I’ll be able to join outright or if I’ll do a multi-class pass, but I look forward to getting stronger.

Afterwards, I needed some protein, so I had a Click mocha shake and a Babybel cheese.

I did a terrible job (read: didn’t) with menu planning this week, so…yeah.  Tim had a peanut butter sandwich for dinner.  Whoops.

Tomorrow will be awesome, though—we’re celebrating Tim’s last day at his current job with his co-workers at a fancy lunch, and then going out to a nice dinner just the two of us to toast to new beginnings.  I can’t wait!

Where are your favorite places to shop that I might not have hit already?  Any good shopping websites you recommend?  Inspire me!

When I was in a sorority in college, there was a ceremony that talked about how having sisters will halve your sorrows and double your joys.

Then, that same phrase was used in our marriage vows.

Having a blog doesn’t just halve your sorrows and double your joys.  It respectively reduces and multiplies it by a factor of the THE INTERNET, which is approximately one bajillion.

This is my way of saying thank you for sharing in both my joys and sorrows over the last few months.  I am glad to be in the “joy” camp again.

Ahem.  Anyway. 

So!  I’m on staycation for the rest of the week. 

So I slept a little late (9:30) and cuddled the dog and my iPhone in bed for awhile and read through all the awesome comments from last night and smiled some more.

Then I had breakfast.  I had packed a lunch for yesterday, then I remembered I was going to lunch with Chandra and Therese so I didn’t need it.  So, I had the PB&J English muffin for breakfast with a little cantaloupe.

I loafed for a bit, and then got ready, and then decided to just have a big morning snack—a big bowl of fruit and a Babybel cheese.

Then I went shopping! 

I’m pretty disappointed in the clothes selection I’ve seen lately, but I did exchange an eyeliner that kept breaking at Sephora (LOVE their return policy), and got a free gift of Benefit samples as well as these amazing tinted lip balms I’ve been coveting for awhile.

Then, I had an eye doctor appointment at 2.  I’ve been having some trouble with the ol’ peepers lately—specifically, I feel like my left and right eyes aren’t working together well, and things have been very blurry and my eyes have been constantly itchy and burning.

The optometrist visibly recoiled at the sight of my corneas, which she deemed “ravaged” by allergies.  So, for at least the next week, I’ll be rocking glasses…

…and three kinds of eye drops.

And then I have to go back in to get re-fitted for contacts, since she determined that fitting me today would be pointless, since it’s like I’m looking through a dirty window right now because my eyes are so irritated. 

I tend to shy away from my glasses but I’m looking forward to some quality time with them the next few days.

Anyway, I went home and had some eggs with goat cheese and a slice of peanut butter toast.

(I didn’t eat the yogurt—was full after the other stuff!)

Then, a few hours later, yet another fruit-and-cheese snack.

…because I was doing late-night CrossFit!

A new CrossFit gym is getting ready to open here, and I’ve been in touch with the super-nice owner, and he said I could tag along to some of their test classes this week!

And…it was a doozy.  In a good way.  It was a partner workout, meaning my partner and I had to share all the reps (so, she would do 50, I’d do 50, she’d do 50, I’d do 50).  Whoever WASN’T working had to be babysitting our “pet”—a 35 pound kettlebell that wasn’t allowed to touch the ground for fear of a 10 burpee penalty. 

We did…

• 200 squats
• 200 sit-ups
• 150 push-ups
• 150 lunges
• 100 box jumps
• 100 thrusters

It took everyone in the group about 35-37 minutes.  I was dying by the end!

The nice part about having a partner was that you could play to individual strengths.  My partner was a pilates instructor who rocked out more than her fair share of sit-ups and push-ups…but since I’ve got strong legs, I did extra squats, lunges, and box jumps. 

Anyway, I think I’m going to head back tomorrow. It was a lot of (masochistic) fun!

I made enchilada soup in the crockpot but by the time I got home all I wanted was a bowl of cereal.

(Apparently, I ate breakfast for all three meals today.  Huh.)

And now…I’m going to crash.  I can’t believe my day off was so busy!  Good times.  I think I may attempt to purchase actual clothing again tomorrow.  We’ll see.

Any suggestions on how to get eye drops in your eyes effectively?  I’m terrible at it!

Guys, let me come clean.

I’ve been struggling with stress eating lately and the scale hasn’t been kind.  Specifically, I’ve put about half the weight I lost earlier this year back on. 

I say this because I want to be honest.  I’m human; I struggle.  It’s a rough time for us and I find comfort in eating my favorite foods.  Which sucks. 

This stressful thing I’ve been alluding to (which I cannot share with you guys specifically, at the request of someone I love) has been going on for several months now, so I’ve been coping with it for quite a long time.  I’m still working out, which I consider a success, since I really don’t have much interest in doing that lately, either.

People always say, “throw your stress into a good workout!” which works maaaybe 40% of the time for me.  And I can’t just up and go exercise in the middle of a workday when I’ve gotten more bad news, or something someone has said has set into a panic spiral.  But I can grab a Dove chocolate from my secretary’s candy dish and escape into something that makes me happy for a minute.  My pants are a little tighter than I’d like.  I swear to God I’m trying, but I just have little strength left for awesome food choices when I have to be strong in so many other arenas right now.

Anyway.  Needed to get that off my chest.  I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be, and I’m sorry if you think I’m a perfect healthy living blogger, because you’ll be disappointed. 

For breakfast I went back to my trusty Kashi.

For lunch, I went to my trusty Sahara and grabbed a grilled chicken and hummus meal.

And I ate way too much of it.  Plus two Dove chocolates.

Because of my lunchtime gluttony, I skipped an afternoon snack.

I also skipped a workout because it was Friday and I’d done four days in a row and I just wanted to go home.

When I got home, we had our traditional Friday night pizza.

Then I went to do a little shopping.  It’s tax-free weekend in Missouri, meaning that there’s no sales tax on stuff like clothes and school supplies.

Last week I bought a bunch of Soma underpants after hearing lots of people rave about them, and deciding that it was time to expand my horizons beyond underwear bought with a Victoria’s Secret free panty coupon.  But they came, and they had rubber on them to affix them to my ass, and were kind of pricey, and ugly, so I decided to return them.

So, I went to Kohl’s with a 20% off coupon in hand.  On my way into the store, some nice man handed me a $10 off coupon, and they allowed me to stack them, meaning I got 9 pairs of underwear for $40.

It was pretty exciting.  Which is why I’m showing off my underpants in the first place, yes?

Then I went to Target for grocery shopping, and made this S’mores Ice Cream Terrine for my brother-in-law’s birthday tomorrow, and now I am relaxing.

Do you deal with stress eating?  How do you stop it and make saying “no” a priority when things get rough (and stay rough)?

Jet setting on the last several weekends has been fun and all, but I’ve been looking forward to this one for awhile.

Because I got to stay home.  And do stuff that needed to be done, and that I wanted to do.

When I was in Boston, I bought Tim these Star Wars pancake molds for fun.  Today, we used them.

They didn’t turn out super great, but it was fun nonetheless.  Tim insisted on eating the Millennium Falcon one.

We ate them in bed, with iced coffee, whilst watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix.  It was perhaps the happiest moment I’ve had in a few months (aside from finally reuniting with my best friend at the airport).

I spent the morning doing random things around the house that have needed to get done for weeks…but haven’t been, because I’ve been gone so much.  I shredded every FAFSA worksheet or financial aid notice my mother saved since 2002 (and recently gifted me) and it took over an hour.  I also gave Milhouse a bath and  scrubbed the master bathroom clean.  Not fun, but oddly soothing.

For a late lunch, I had a tasting plate of sorts, a la Meghann.

This was kind of a “finish the last of the produce” plate: slightly past-their-prime strawberries, a slightly mushy white nectarine, baby carrots and hummus, a toasted pretzel bun, and a tiny cheese.  It was pretty light and just what I wanted after a somewhat heavy breakfast.

Then I engaged in cat photography for awhile, because Buckley was just, you know, chillin’ with his tongue out.

Then, I went on my biannual Sephora trip!

I try to stay out of Sephora as much as possible because I have no willpower around pretty things.  I have recently decided that twice a year is the way to go—in between trips, I can replenish the necessities (foundation, mascara) that run out, but that’s it.

Anyway, I was out of a bunch of stuff, so I wound up getting:

• Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush in Dollface
• bareMinerals Mineral Veil
• Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion (this stuff is incredible)
• Buxom Insider Eyeliner in Amethyst
• Lorac Starry-Eyed Baked Eyeshadow Trio in Star Struck

And now I will not buy any more until 2012.  Womp womp.

And then I got my hair cut.  My usual hairstylist was out sick, so I had someone new, and she cut it a tiny bit shorter and styled it a wee bit spikier than I like.  But, I could not wait another day for a haircut, let alone a week (my beloved Mandy is only in on Fridays and Saturdays—sigh), so…it is what it is.  It’s hair, it’ll grow, and it will probably look better when I style it my way tomorrow.  Whatever.

I went home and made a quickie dinner.

We usually get something out on Saturdays, but since we ate out a lot last weekend, we stayed in tonight.  I did a quickie chicken parm served over whole wheat pasta and it was pretty yummy.

Then I hauled my butt to Target to do some shopping for the week.  I was going to wait until tomorrow, but the thought of going to the grocery store on Sunday afternoon when it is one zillion percent humidity and 100+ degrees out sounded less than appealing.  So I did it.

Now, I’m enjoying some Edy’s S’mores ice cream and we’re watching Scott Pilgrim Versus the World.  (It’s just okay.)

The only thing that would have made today better would have been a more palatable temperature (100+ is not okay with me—a little run might have been nice) and having my usual hairstylist.  But alas.  I will not complain.

What would your perfect Saturday look like?

I’m so relieved to be an odd age again. 

Today was a SUPER long day, but in a really great way!

My alarm went off 4:30 am Eastern time, aka 3:30 Central time.  I threw my new birthday present on and headed down to get a cab.

Well, for some random reason, cabs in DC don’t like credit cards.  So they had to call me a special one that never came.  After some antsy pants, I found an ATM and got cash and hit the road.

Except, in an interesting twist of karmic fate, there was a major triathlon in DC this morning, and pretty much every route to Dulles was closed.  So we had to go way out of the way to Maryland, and I was pretty convinced I was not going to make my flight for awhile.

The cabbie kept going on about how triathlons (or, as he described it to me, “run, bike, swim, all of that”) were such a waste of police power and public resources.  I kind of sank down in my seat and tried to not look athletic.

Thankfully, birthday luck smiled on me and I made it to the gate JUST in time to grab a breakfast sandwich and iced coffee, which I ate in record time.  (Fact: I hate eating meals on planes.  I don’t enjoy food smells on flights so I try not to subject anyone else to mine.)

Anyway, short uneventful flight to Midway, potty break, short uneventful flight to Kansas City, and I was home and Tim was waiting for me!

Then, when we got home, it was presents time!

My presents came in the form of gift cards and “this is on the way from Amazon,” but that’s totally okay by me!

From Tim, I got the perfume I’ve been lusting after (Marc Jacobs Lola) since I smelled it in Los Angeles on the way, and Food Network Magazine for my long flights, and a box of chocolates, and from my mom and sister, I got more Lululemon gift cards, which I promptly spent online!

I picked out two more Cool Racerback tanks (I’m obsessed), one in a print called “retro camo”, and one in heathered Tango Red:

Plus the Gather & Crow crops in hopes that they come with a great butt like this:

And the Run: The Fastest shorts:

All that shopping made me hungry, so it was time for a quickie lunch of Easy Mac and a yogurt bowl:

And, naturally, I spent the afternoon doing what makes me happy—grocery shopping, hanging out with Tim, and cuddling 2/3 of our pets.  (Buckley is NOT a cuddler.)

Tim realized he hit the wife jackpot when he asked what I wanted to do for my birthday dinner and I said “Chipotle.”  So we did.

And then I made myself a birthday cake.  This one, specifically, except I replaced “rasp” with “straw” because strawberries and chocolate are my favorite sweet combination.  (Except, oddly, chocolate covered strawberries themselves are not my favorite things.)

The thing is…I can bake a tasty cake.  But I can’t bake a pretty cake.

I’m pretty sure this cake is going to fall apart sometime in the next 24 hours, because I was too impatient to wait for the ganache to set and half the filling leaked out all over the cake plate.

Also, it looks like a boob.  Maybe I’m just tired.

Time to go cut into this bad boy and hit the sack.  I’ve been awake for nineteen hours straight!  I can’t wait to sleep super late tomorrow and be a total slug.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes! 

Yes.  Target. 

When I was in high school, they built a Target right next door to our house.  My mom and I lived together, just the two of us.  She was a busy working single mom with a commute, I was a typical busy teenager in too many activities.

But we had Target. 

Late at night on a Saturday, when we’d just finished the chick flick of the week and had nothing else to do, she would say, "Let’s go to Target!"

Inevitably, I would respond, "What do we need?"

She would say, "Oh, you just never know."

So we would stuff some sneakers on under our sweatpants and wander over to Target.  We would get a Diet Coke from the Target Cafe spend hours roaming the empty aisles as they were being re-stocked for the Sunday morning crowds.  I don’t even really remember what we’d end up buying–not much, anyway.  A birthday card here, some paper plates, Christmas lights…it doesn’t matter. 

What I do remember is pushing that big red cart up and down the aisles together, laughing and chatting and sometimes just slipping into a deep silence, letting the familiarity and reliability of everything wash over us.

When Tim and I packed up the moving van to leave Iowa, I cried.  Maybe it was the two angry screeching cats in the car; maybe it was finally not being able to call myself a student for the first time in twenty-four years.  Maybe it was saying goodbye to the stupid place I’d fallen in love with my future husband. 

We unloaded the truck and realized we were missing a lot of basics–paper towels, light bulbs, Diet Coke.

So I went to Target.

I walked in and that same feeling washed over me.  The Target in Kansas City looked just like the Target in Iowa which looked like the Target in Chicago I’d roamed with my mom.  I knew where everything was already.  I could be in control of my actions and everything was familiar.

So, now that there’s a Super Target down the road from me…my therapy of choice is Friday night grocery shopping, wheeling the cart up and down the familiar aisles, taking my time to look at labels and use coupons.  Sometimes I just walk up and down the aisles I don’t need to be in: automotive, baby food, decorative candles.  It is always, reassuringly, the same. 

For the first time in the last week, last night, I was in control.  I was calm. 

Therapy, indeed.