Brie Fit

I first posted this back in April to explain why I am running the Chicago Marathon for Team in Training.  Right about now, I’m slogging my way through those 26.2 miles, and here’s why.  Donations are still welcome.  Warning: this is sad.

It’s 1991.  I have just turned seven years old.  We are at Cedar Point, an amusement park in Ohio, on a summer vacation.  My dad, who is known as Mr. Fitness in my family because of his love of running and vegetables, wakes up with a large lump in his mouth.  Thinking it’s a tooth or gum abscess, he goes to the dentist when we get home.  The dentist refers him to an oral surgeon, since he doesn’t know what it is.  The oral surgeon sends him for a biopsy.

We are in the basement.  We go to the basement when we have serious family discussions, because there is a couch my sister and I can sit on while our parents can sit in the armchairs and tell us things.  (Normally, we watch television in our jammies on the floor of our parents’ bedroom, or are playing outside.  Okay, I’m usually  reading in my bedroom.)

My mom is crying.  She says, “Your dad has leukemia.”

I don’t get why she is upset.  The extent of my knowledge of leukemia is that people on TV get it, but they beat the odds and get better, even if they have to be bald for awhile.  I say, “okay,” and go back out to play.

I start the second grade.  My teacher is really, really nice to me and gives me extra attention.

My dad is admitted to the hospital for treatment.  My mom starts disappearing, too.  Before my dad was sick, she worked part-time and was usually home after school.  Now, after school, I have to go to my friend Laura’s house while my sister goes to basketball practice.  Sometimes I will come home and find my mom crying.  I learn to ask things like, “What are his platelet counts?” and “How are his white blood cells today?”  even though I don’t really know what that means.  (I can usually tell if it’s good from my mom’s reaction.)

After awhile, my mom and dad both come home and I am excited.  But my dad lays in bed all day.  His thick, curly black hair starts falling out in clumps, so my mom shaves his head.  He has a tube in his chest that has to be cleaned and dressed every day.  I watch my mom do it.  She has to use red, white, and blue swabs on it and give him medicine through it.

Pretty soon, we start hearing the term “bone marrow transplant” floating around.  Transplant!  I think.  That’s when they get better on TV!  I’m happy this will be over soon.  We wait and wait.  Everyone—my mom, my aunts and uncles and grandparents and all their friends—are tested to see if they are a match for him.  They’re not.

Finally, one day, we get the call.  They have found a donor!  We can’t know who it is, but my dad is going to get his bone marrow.

School is out for the summer, and my mom moves to Minnesota with my dad.  The University of Minnesota hospitals have one of the best bone marrow donations in the country.   Before they leave, my dad writes me this letter.

My sister and I become constant babysitting charges.  My grandparents move in for a week, and they are always looking at me with pursed lips.  We stay with my dad’s best friend Uncle Bob and his wife Aunt Sally, and Aunt Sally buys me my first outfits at Gap Kids.  I don’t hear much about my dad.

It’s my eighth birthday.  My Aunt Pat throws me a birthday party and my mom isn’t there.  We paint pottery and eat cake.  I find out that as I painted my ceramic kitten, my dad’s bone marrow transplant was underway.

My Uncle Bob drives us up to see our parents afterwards.  My mom is living in a sad looking apartment.  She gives me a pink unicorn sleeping bag for my birthday.  My sister and I sit in the waiting room a lot and only get to see my dad a little bit.  I remember being shocked at how thin he had gotten.

My sister and I go home to Chicago and watch the fireworks with the neighbors on the Fourth of July.  I participate in a bubble gum blowing contest and can’t wait for my dad to come home once the transplant fixes him.

On July sixth, my mom comes home.  I know immediately something is wrong.  My aunts and uncles are lurking but not answering my questions.

Again, the basement.  I stick my head in the couch cushions because I don’t want to hear what she is going to say.  I don’t know how she said it, but I remember thinking, “Who will walk me down the aisle when I get married?” right away.

We all cried, and cried, and cried.  There was lots of food brought over.

A family friend took us shopping for dresses for the funeral.  Mine was a white turtleneck with a black and red plaid jumper over the top.

At his wake, my mom gives us pictures we drew to tuck in the casket with his body.  My sister puts hers under my dad’s hands but I am scared so I just put it on the side.  He is so pale and cold and doesn’t have the gorgeous curly black hair my dad had.

He was buried in a suit and his running shoes. This is the song they play–his favorite, while he was sick.

I’ve been out walking for hours.
I’ve got something on my mind.
How did we get here? where are we going?
And why is life so hard?

I read the stories, see the photographs.
World’s in a crazy space.
I’ve got to hold on to my dreams;
There’s just no other place.
There’s just no other place.

I believe
we can change anything.
I believe
we can rise above this.
I believe
there’s a reason for everything.
I believe
in my dream.

We all dealt with the loss of my father in different ways.  My mom tried her best to keep it together, but she was devastated.  My sister retreated into her bedroom and shut the door.  I tried to hold everyone together.  Our family was broken.

As time passed, obviously, the pain becomes less acute.  Our family motto was “one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.”  My mom had to start working full-time and figure out the finances, which my father had always done.  My sister and I became latchkey kids.  The teachers at school looked at me sadly when I went back to school in September.  They had all known my dad; he read to the kindergarten classes because he liked giving back to the community, and he’d worked the night shift so he picked me up from school ever day.

And they’d all seen him running around our small town every morning, waving, every morning on their way to work.

Today I go through life and not having a father is just a fact.  I don’t cry about it every day like we once did, and I can tell people, “Oh, he died when I was eight of leukemia” without a second thought.   But you bet your ass I’m sitting here, writing this, sobbing like a baby thinking about getting married in a month without him there.

So, this is why I’m running for Team in Training in October.  I realize that you might be annoyed when I mention this and ask you to donate or participate in fundraisers.  And I’m sorry if that bothers you, but really?  No little girl should have to know what a platelet is and stand at her father’s coffin.

If my dad was here, he would be running this marathon by my side.  But he’s not, and I need you to help me get through this.  I need to run for something.

Please, donate.  Nobody should have to go through what my family has been through.

Marathon training has been full of ups and downs.  I think now I’m qualified to give my advice on what I’ve learned since I set out on this training journey back in June.   (Please note…well, I haven’t actually run a marathon, so these may wind up being all wrong.  But here are my impressions.)

1. Fuel even if you don’t think you need to. In the hot summer months, Gatorade turned what would have been some horrible slogs into great runs.  And when I skipped that Gu at mile 15 of my 20 miler because “I didn’t feel like it,” that was dumb.  Make a schedule for what you’re going to eat and drink when BEFORE you start running and feeling like Superwoman.  Stick to it.  Carry one more Gu than you think you’ll need.  And don’t be afraid to be fiercely loyal to a fuel that works for you–Shot Blox may be a tasty afternoon snack, but the last thing I want when I run is gummy junk stuck to my teeth.  Lemon-lime Gatorade and Gu Chocolate Outrage and Vanilla Bean are my best friends.
2. Listen to your body. I started out training on Hal Higdon’s Novice 2 Marathon schedule and quickly learned it was too much for me.  Running four days a week got me a nasty case of posterior shin splints that left me sidelined for two weeks.  Granted, as a first-time marathoner I needed something to guide me, but I wish I’d scrapped one weekly run much earlier.  If I train for another marathon, I think I’ll go with a three days running/one-two days of MANDATORY cross-training plan rather than four days running/one day totally-optional-and-usually-skipped cross-training.
3. Find new, fun ways to run. When I got annoyed running every night after work, I started running on my lunch hour.  When I got irritated with the treadmill, I hit the outdoor track.  When I was tired of letting Kansas City’s hills keep me inside, I slowed down and saw some amazing sights.  When I didn’t know how I was going to get in a long run on my own and remain sane, I threw a 5K race in the middle!
4. Don’t compare yourself. This is your race, your training, and you have to do the best YOU can do.  I read blogs of speedy BQers and feel a little bit bad that sometimes I have to walk–I’m human.  But in the end, we’re both going to be crossing the same finish line, wearing the same medal, and taking the same amount of pride in our race and training.
5. Ice baths and compression are life savers. I recover so much faster when I use both of these.  I am still heartbroken over my missing Zensah compression sleeve and may spring for new compression sleeves or socks at the expo.  (Uh, Tim, you didn’t read that.)
6. Be your own advocate. If your shoes aren’t working, go back to the running store and (nicely) demand another solution.  If your doctor tells you you’re too fat to run a marathon, find another doctor who doesn’t have his head up his ass.  You’ve worked hard for a successful race–don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way!  (Aside from, you know, serious injury or illness.)
7. Believe in yourself. Repeat after me: “If Katie Holmes/Oprah/P. Diddy/Team Hoyt/my friend/blogger did this, so can I!”  Thousands of people run marathons, and you can too.  Maybe you won’t qualify for Boston or beat your time goal, but if you train smart, you will be able to do it.   If you don’t REALLY believe in yourself, fake it till you make it.  Put your head down and repeat, “I am awesome.  I can run a marathon.  I am awesome.  I can run a marathon.”  Eventually, you’ll start believing it…or you’ll be so sick of repeating the mantra, you’ll give in and believe it just to shut up that voice in your head.
8. It’s okay to take a break. I was sidelined for two weeks with what I thought was a stress fracture.  Although this was scary as hell, and, well, I haven’t actually finished the marathon, those two weeks turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I was able to let my body heal fully, and I also recharged my batteries and focused mentally.  I came back even more devoted to my training.  Running breaks your body down in many ways; give it time to build back up stronger than before.
9. Remember that running is supposed to be fun. Running is a hobby, a form of exercise, and a sport.  All of those things are supposed to be a good time!  If it stops being fun, see supra, note 3.
10. When your legs get tired, run with your heart. I shamelessly saw this on Lululemon’s Twitter once and the power of this brings me to tears.  Give ‘em hell.  Don’t let anyone tell you no.  Fight for what’s inspired you and be bigger than temporary discomfort.  Inspire others.  Be kind to those who have helped you.  Take steps for those who can’t.  One day at a time, just one foot in front of the other.

See you in Chicago, and thanks for taking this amazing ride with me.

Ran two miles today in 19:00 flat.  I guess I was feeling speedy today!

Reminded me how much I miss running short distances faster.  I think that after marathon training is over and I’m all recovered, I am going to attack my sub-27 5K goal with lots of short, fast runs.  But we’ll see!

The bad news is that my knee felt like it was out of place afterwards and was kind of achy.  It feels better now, but I need to seriously not push too much this week.  Bad Brie.

Today I’m feeling mostly excited.  When I let negative thoughts slip in, I am pushing them out and instead filling my brain with some things I personally find incredibly inspiring.

Such as…

1. Healthy Ashley!  Her Gasparilla Marathon recap reminds me that even if I am not feeling strong along the race, it doesn’t have to turn into a bad race! I am determined to finish happy, proud, and having fun, no matter what my time is.  She is such a great example of good sportsmanship and a positive attitude.
2. The story of Team Hoyt.  I think about what my life would be like if I couldn’t run, and then I stop feeling sorry for myself and obsessing over how fast I will be.
3. Jerry from Spirit of the Marathon.  He runs to have fun, and is a great role model.  I want to be still chugging away when I’m his age!
4. Kathrine Switzer, the first woman to challenge the male-only sport of marathoning.  She threw elbows so that I could run and I am grateful to her.
5. My dad.  For some reason, the phrase, “this is not your race” has been running through my head all week.  This race belongs to him.  I am running because he can’t.  I have no doubt that if leukemia didn’t take him away from me eighteen years ago, he’d be running by my side on Sunday.  Although I find the concept of the deceased "being with me” or “smiling down on me” a bit creepy, I do feel that wherever he is, he will be watching live race coverage with a beer in one hand and his Nikes on.  (My dad was known for following three sporting events at once—one on TV, one on the radio, and one on his Walkman.  If heaven has technology, I bet he is getting live text updates, watching the race on Tivo, and stalking footage online come Sunday.)

I am ready to go.  Eeep!  We fly to Chicago Friday night, Saturday is expo and BFF’s baby shower day, and then Sunday is the big day.  We fly home Monday!  I hope to have a recap up sometime late Sunday night or Monday—we’re staying at my mom’s house, and she does not have internet, so I’m going to have to sneak away to a Panera to get anything posted before we get home Monday night.  We shall see!

What inspires you?  Links, please!  I need all the help I can get this week!

Eeeeeep!

I vacillate wildly between excited, scared shitless, and back again, all within the span of five minutes.  Welcome to marathon week!

Anyway, obviously, the big story in the blog world right now is the Marie Claire debacle based on this article.  I won’t comment at length on this, but a few bullet points:

1. I read and enjoy most of the “Big Six” blogs.  They have inspired me to eat healthier, try new foods, and have the courage to race, and for that I am thankful.
2. I sometimes get sad and discouraged when I compare my (slow) running to their fast running.  But you know what?    That’s MY problem, not theirs.  I need to learn not to compare myself.  It’s hard, and I don’t begrudge any of them their speediness.  The positive stuff I’ve gotten from reading health and fitness blogs vastly outweighs the bad.
3. I think the “Is health blogging healthy?” question is a good one, but this article was terribly researched and incurably biased.
4. I haven’t had a period since I went off birth control in July.  (I’m not pregnant.)  Someone flog me, quick!  Seriously, though, cycles aren’t regular for a variety of reasons (NOT just because you exercise a lot) and I think it’s reeeeally shitty to drag Meghann through the mud on that one.  I have plenty of body fat, I am in good shape, and I’d rather my period be irregular than suffer from the host of problems that come with not exercising at all.  I plan to discuss this with my doctor should it continue much past the marathon.  If she tells me to cut back on the exercising, I will. 
5. I don’t post my food daily because it is boring and I don’t care to take a picture of everything I eat, not because I am ashamed or feel inadequate.  I eat the same damn breakfast every day that looks like a cow patty and totally uncreative lunches and dinners.  It works for me, and I don’t aspire to be the next great health food blogger.

And that’s that.  I’m sure you’re all sick of reading about it by now.

Anyway.  Today was a nice easy three miler.  I plan to do one or two more 2-milers this week with maybe a little light cross-training thrown in.  It was a beautiful, crisp, slightly chilly fall night and I felt strong and ready to race. 

Currently I’m on an “OMG I’m so excited!” jag.  I am excited to have my family and friends cheer for me (including my totally awesome 8 MONTHS PREGNANT bestie) and to cross the finish line.  I am already plotting what I want to buy at the expo (I’m thinking new compression sleeves or socks, a Chicago Marathon shirt of some kind, and one of those 26.2 car magnets that I used to think were cheesy).   And I can’t wait to meet some of the awesome other bloggers and readers who I know are running, too!

What’s your take on Marie Claire-gate 2010?

Hi guys!
Yesterday was a rest day.  Tim and I went to the Royals game, which, at the end of September, is pretty much an exercise in futility and public humiliation.  But, shockingly, they won, I had a beer and a hot dog, and it was a beautiful night.  So, hooray! 

Today was one of those loooong days at work.  I swear the clock ticked backwards. 

At the end of the day, I went into my gym bag, and to my great horror, discovered that I had no sports bras.

I pack my gym bags a week at a time, and lately, I’ve been irritated with my mass quantities of crap getting in the way of me finding what I need.  So…I went through my sports bras I don’t really wear anymore and relegated them to back-of-the drawer status. Long story short…I was one short this week. 

What’s a girl to do with no sports bra and an 8 miler on the schedule?  IMPROVISE.  My boobs aren’t epically giant, but I’m a solid C cup, so…I can’t go without, either.

My options for boob containage were as follows:

1. Normal bra.  Cons: uncomfortable, jiggly, hot.
2. Running tank top with built in shelf bra.  Cons: WHITE and semi-see-through, not supportive enough, low cut.
3. Large, loose wicking running shirt.  Cons: no support.
4. Large, loose running singlet.  Cons: no support.
5. Scotch tape and paperclips.  Cons: sticky and pokey.

I opted for a combination of 2 and 4: running tank with shelf bra underneath large running singlet.

It worked for six miles.  It was very floppy and uncomfortable and hot and I threw in the towel.  I never realized the importance of a good sports bra, but there you go.  My boobs seriously hurt by mile four! 

Anyway.  Six miles ain’t eight, but considering the circumstances, I’m proud I made it that  far.

Moral of the story: double—triple check—to make you have your sports bras in your gym bag, ladies. 

What item can’t you exercise without?

If you know me, you know I don’t give a shit about pumpkin.

Crunchy apples and juicy pears are my fall treats of choice!  I enjoyed my first Honeycrisp of the season today as a snack at work, with a bit of almond butter to keep me full.

Now, I’m not firmly in the “OMG Honeycrisps are the best thing ever” camp, but after eating (okay, biting in and throwing away) five straight mealy, flavorless (but cheap!) Galas, I decided to spring for the good stuff.  And it was good!  I guess you get what you pay for.

Pretty soon I’ll have to make some homemade applesauce.  Mmmm…

After work I did an easy, slow (but hilly) three-miler outside.  Nothing too taxing, but it felt good to get moving on a beautiful day.

In other news, I have begun overanalyzing every single pang in my body.   Random ear pain?  Is totally going to turn into some horrible infection.  Hamstring twinges?  OHMYGOD need to foam roll for half an hour right now.  Zit on face?  It’s probably leprosy.  Welcome to tapering.  Let the paranoia begin.

What’s your favorite fall treat?

Hi guys!

I hope you all had excellent weekends.  I very much enjoyed mine.  I spent Saturday sleeping in, getting a haircut, and baking five dozen muffins.  Sunday was also an excellent day—we did a charity walk for ovarian cancer in memory of Tim’s aunt, watched the Chiefs game, and then spent the evening gambling and having a nice dinner at the casino.  I ended up winning $30!

Alas, today was back to work, far too soon.  But it was a good day!  I am so lucky that I have a job that keeps me busy (but not usually stressed), engaged, and is different from day to day.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy who came in to talk to me, which really put things in perspective for me.  He was an ex-Marine who served four tours of duty in Iraq, and he saw my race bibs pinned to my office corkboard.  He asked if I ran races, and I said yes, and then he asked if I’d ever run a marathon.  I said, “Well, no, but my first is in less than two weeks,” and his response was, “WOW!  I have so much respect for that.  That is a really incredible thing to be doing.  I can’t even imagine how hard that is.”

I felt kind of like a nerd, because, well, I’m just running, whereas this guy risked his life repeatedly for our country.  I definitely did not feel like the bravest person in my office…but it’s still nice to remember that a) most people think running a marathon is really cool and moderately crazy; b) most people appreciate the amount of work that goes into it; and c) not everyone is a super-fit, speedy McGee marathoning blogger.  (Sometimes I lose perspective in the blog world a bit.)

Anyway, after work I tested out a new hydration strategy for race day:

Um, I don’t USUALLY lose things, but in the last month, I’ve managed to lose two kind of important running things—one of my Zensah leg sleeves, and the water bottle that goes with my FuelBelt handheld. 

But on Sunday, at the charity walk, we got these EVEN BIGGER water bottles that (mostly) fit in the same handheld cage.  I will be marathoning with this puppy!

I also officially tested my TNT singlet.  Good news: I love it.  It is loose, non-chafey, and doesn’t ride. 

After work I ran a glorious 4.5 miles in 44 minutes.  I actually wanted to get going, but I know I need to keep my mileage low and slow until race day!  I felt strong and happy and the weather was perfect and nothing hurt.  If only the marathon could be exactly like that, I’d be a happy camper!

In other news, I am wondering if I should set a time goal for the race and/or join a pace team.  I kind of have a (realistic) goal in mind, but I don’t want to set myself up to fail.

What do you think about setting time goals for your first marathon?

Is anyone else looking forward to the weekend as much as I am? 

It’s not that this has been a bad, or particularly long work week, but we have some fun stuff planned with Tim’s family and I’m looking forward to some good old family time.  I’m also getting an overdue haircut and brow wax on Saturday.  I have had some unpleasant PMS-related (I think/hope) lately and need a little relaxation.  I can’t wait!

Now, story time.  About my wonderful, wonderful husband.

I have been in pursuit of the perfect purse for a loooong time.  I have a big work bag, but nothing weekend appropriate that isn’t dirty or falling apart or three years old.  I am picky about purses—I like nice leather ones, in a fun color, with very little riffraff on them.  And then today, I found one! 

But, it was $140 (marked down from $348), and Tim and I are trying to  both save and pay down some stuff.  So I consulted Tim, and he reminded me of our goals, and I was sad.  But then I sent him another (cheaper) purse (that I didn’t really like very much), and he was all “nooo don’t buy it” and when I asked why, he said he was going to buy the one I initially liked for me for a marathon finishing gift and surprise me with it.  Surprise ruined.  Good going, Brie!

And then I felt like a huge douchebag for whining about needing a purse.

(So we bought it anyway tonight.  Good thing, because I think it was the last one!   I can’t wait for it to get here!)

And that is the story of how I got a new purse, and how my husband is awesome.

After work run was WINDY! 

I did it on the track.   I like running on the outdoor track. 

Off to watch fall TV!

What’s your favorite accessory to shop for?  I love purses, but the ones I like are always out of my budget!

Excuse my language, but HOLY SHIT.

  Confirmation ticket.  Chicago Marathon.  My name.  I have a bib number. 

Participant guide.  For me. 

Well, damn.

The marathon is consuming my thoughts pretty much all the time at this point.  Will I do well?  Will I crash and burn?  Will I poop myself?  Will people laugh at the slow girl?  Will I prove Dr. Douche wrong?  Would my dad be proud?

I am constantly obsessing over what the weather will be like, or what I’ll wear, and if I’ll embarrass myself, and a million other things.  Honestly—it’s a lot like wedding planning!  You plan and plan and do tons of work…only for it all to be over after a few short (and hopefully awesome) hours.

In less-scary things, I tried Meghann’s excellent carrots+almond butter combo and liked it today.  I am “meh” about carrots but trying to eat more veggies.  Almond butter makes everything better!

I planned on a run after work BUT I forgot my shoes at home today.  Woe is me.  I’ll run tomorrow instead!

What’s your favorite weird food combo?

Part of the fun of training for a marathon is that I never quite know how I’m going to feel the morning after a long run.

Last week’s 15 miler left me feeling pretty stiff and sore.  I attribute this to two things: old shoes and no ice bath.  (Okay, and the fact that it was my first long run in over a month.)  All day I felt like my hips were on fire, and walking hurt like crazy!

Yesterday afternoon, after my 20 miler, I was feeling, well, like I’d run 20 miles. (Tired, hungry, a bit delirious.)   My body felt tired, but not really sore.  Oddly enough, my only issue was with my left knee, which felt unusually sore, stiff, and somewhat swollen.  (My right also felt a little bit off, but not as bad.)  I never have knee trouble, so this was odd for me, but I iced several times over the course of the afternoon and evening.

Frozen veggies are the best for icing because they form so well to your body!  Corn is my favorite, because it’s the smallest and molds the best to your shape, but I used it in a salad.  (Ha!)

Anyway, last night we went out to a fantastic dinner, and my knees were killing me on the way back to the car.  I iced again and went to sleep.

But yes.  This morning?  I feel FABULOUS.  My muscles are a bit sore, and I knew I was in need of some serious foam rolling.

I busted out my trusty foam roller and rolled around on the floor for awhile.  I don’t really do specific exercises or anything on it; I just roll around on what hurts.  Today I paid extra attention to my hips, glutes, and hamstrings. 

My knee feels better, but I’m icing it just to be safe.  I also have a case of voracious runger—I am hungry about every 2 hours, no matter how much I eat and drink!  Since my run, I’ve ingested..

Post-run lunch: Chobani pineapple Greek yogurt, 1 serving plain pasta

Snack: Small bowl Kashi GoLean Crunch with 1% milk

Dinner: shared small cheese plate, goat cheese gnocchi (holy delicious), apple crisp

…

Breakfast: Kashi GoLean Crunch with 1% milk

Lunch: Chipotle burrito bowl (rice, beans, chicken, salsa, cheese)

Snack: Apple with peanut butter

I’m still undecided what to have for dinner, since I’m on my own tonight!

Anyway, I’m happy I feel so good today!  This is, hopefully, a sign that I’m more ready for race day than I think I am. 

I also spent my afternoon watching the excellent documentary, Spirit of the Marathon, on Netflix Watch Instantly, and cried like a baby at the end.

This is all beginning to feel real.  For so long I’ve been plagued by pain and injuries and self-doubt, but I’m finally starting to envision myself crossing that finish line.  I’m actually getting a little excited (and nervous)!

What’s your favorite dinner-for-one solution?