Brie Fit

Hi!

I can’t really explain my absence other than that I needed to step away from the internet for awhile after Charlie was born.  It was just all very overwhelming and I needed to focus on him, and me, and our family.  Hopefully you understand.

But now, he’s 11 weeks old, and I have something of a groove back, so I figured I might try again.  So here are some quick updates.

On Charlie:

He is fabulous.  Healthy, growing, and a fairly “easy” baby (though not without certain difficulties, such as a general refusal to nap anywhere but physically on my person).  He gets more and more interactive every day, which is all kinds of awesome. Also?  Adorable.

On me:

Was diagnosed with postpartum depression in C’s first month.  It’s real, it sucks, but thankfully I caught it early and have gotten appropriate help and am feeling much better (although admittedly not 100% yet).  Physically, healed well from the whole labor and delivery business.

On fitness:

Still a whopping 25 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  I’ve been back at CrossFit a few times a week and also doing Couch to 5K on our treadmill, but nothing is budging weight-wise.  This is probably because breastfeeding makes me ravenous and I’ve taken sampling every flavor of Target’s trail mix as a personal challenge. So take the “fit” part of this blog with a grain of salt, as I clearly am not exactly a shining example anymore.

On work:

Going back after the first of the year.  I’m nervous but also a little excited.

On breastfeeding:

Got lucky and it’s been super easy for us.  Charlie is probably close to 13 pounds now, so we’ve got a good thing going.

On cloth diapering:

Love it.  Easier than expected.  Adorable.

On holidays:

Charlie had two Halloween costumes:

And appropriate Thanksgiving garb, too:

On motherhood in general:

Man, I love this kid a lot.  He is pretty fantastic.  I will say that I felt horrible in the beginning that the immediate mama bear overwhelming love didn’t really hit me right away—it was definitely something that took some time to grow.  But he gets more fun and adorable and sweet every day and I am so, so, so lucky and thankful to have him.  When I think back to where I was this time last year…man. 

Thank you for the comments and e-mails saying you’ve missed me.  I appreciate that you’ve been thinking about us and I’m sorry I disappeared.  Again, no promises going forward, but..hi, again.

Happy birthday to me!  (And Tina, and Hillary, too.)

Today I am twenty-eight years old.  Does that mean I officially enter my late twenties now?

Twenty-seven was a year of very high highs (Tim got a job!  I found CrossFit!  We bought a house!  I got pregnant and stayed that way!) and very low lows (job hunt strife, a miscarriage and hospital stay, another miscarriage, two totaled cars in the span of a week).

If nothing else, it was memorable.  I can’t wait to see what this year brings!  (Although I can guess, and it starts with b- and ends with -aby.)

I started the morning with CrossFit.  I’ve missed it so much while I was out of town.  And despite the fact that it SOUNDS like a great idea to visit a CrossFit box while traveling, when you’re crammed into back-to-back work sessions with no car, it just doesn’t work.  And, oh, yeah, I would have loved to see a coach’s face if I plopped down a drop-in fee with my ginormous belly.

This was not so much my favorite workout.  It just felt kind of odd and disjointed to me.  KB thrusters!  Diane!  Run!  Rest!  Blech.  But it felt good to move, nonetheless, although I am slooooow these days.

(However, I have put in a request to play Heavy Shit Roulette as a belated birthday WOD this Friday.  Exciting!)

My co-workers treated me to a birthday lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, and I shared a piece of this amazingly indulgent Godiva cheesecake with my boss.  Yum.

My birthday gift? 

A Kindle Fire!  I have a Nook, but I wanted something backlit that was a little more tablet-like for late night nursing sessions.  A case is on the way, too!

Anyway, it kind of sucks to work on your birthday, but such is life as a grown-up, eh? 

So, here’s a toast to 28 being a good one!  Someone have a drink for me, please.

“Mother’s Day is a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.”

-Erma Bombeck

When I woke up this morning, Tim was nudging me and informing me that he’d made me a stack of chocolate chip pancakes as my Mother’s Day breakfast.  Very sweet of him, especially since I don’t really feel like a mother yet and therefore worthy of gifts or anything.

I wish I could just celebrate my first pseudo-Mother’s Day without a second thought.  Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled and so thankful for the little boy who’s been punching and kicking me like a tiny ninja for the last few days.  But I can’t help but think about what could have been today, you know?

I could be 39 weeks pregnant today.  I could have a tiny squishy newborn, even.  Next Sunday, May 20th, would have been my due date with the pregnancy we lost back in October, and today’s hit me harder than I expected it to.

Feeling this baby kick inside me fills me with incredible joy, but today I’m also grieving for what could have been.  Pregnancy is not a cure-all—the scars remain, and I wonder how things would have been different all the time if that first pregnancy had just worked out the way it was supposed to.  Was it a boy or a girl?  Would I have felt differently, had it easier or harder?   Would I have taken it for granted, not knowing what a loss feels like?  Would we have been ready?  Nothing will ever replace the babies we lost on the way to this one, and I know I’ll always feel their absence on days like today amidst the joy that I’ll undoubtedly feel, too.

So.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, whether your babies are with you or not.

Three WODs this week!  I’m on a roll.  Which is great, since, you know, I publicly declared that as one of my goals yesterday.

Today was a fun day at CrossFit.  As part of the warm up, we played medicine ball musical chairs—if you’re not squatting over a med ball when the music stops, you’re out!

I have also begun using a two-step analysis at CrossFit to determine what I can and can’t do (also another part of my goal—to know my limits):

• Step one: Ask, “Can I physically do this?”  Some things, I just can’t physically do anymore, mostly ab work—sit-ups, supermans, et cetera.
• Step two: Ask, “SHOULD I physically do this?”  This is less clear, because often I WANT to do things, but it’s just probably not a great idea.  Like, doing handstand walks on concrete looked fun today (really!) but the risk of falling over was just not worth it.  And in today’s WOD, I looked at the Rxed weight, and knew I COULD do it Rxed, but probably SHOULDN’T. 

We had a choice today between Grace and Isabel—either 30 clean and jerks for time, or 30 snatches for time.  I, like most of the class, chose Grace, which was the clean and jerks.

So back to the limits thing.  Clean and jerks and snatches are both very technical lifts that require a lot of good mechanics, so to speak.  So yes.  I have no doubt that I physically CAN put up 30 85# clean and jerks, but my core strength is gone and I feel a little more loosey goosey on difficult lifts lately.  And if I can’t do a lift like that with good form, I’m not going to do it, because dropping that much weight with a protruding belly is bad news.

Anyway.  I did Grace with 62#, with good form, in 5 minutes and 8 seconds.  Not earth shattering, but a good little workout that I felt strong doing.

Anyway.  I’m thrilled it’s the weekend.  I have no plans aside from perhaps trying to find frames for our gallery wall in the nursery, and hey, maybe another CrossFit WOD since I’m feeling good.

I will leave you with this hilarious photo, showing you just how diligent our UPS man is:

That is a 40 pack of toilet paper from Amazon Prime, hidden carefully under our doormat in a special corner of our porch not visible from the street.  Someone’s getting a Christmas tip this year!

Technically, a day late, since I’m 16 weeks today.  But week 15 is over!

Big development this week was purchasing a mom-mobile for me.

I’m now the proud owner of a 2010 Toyota Rav4!

We went to the dealership yesterday and engaged in some major haggling.  Well, by major, I mean, we did our best.  We brushed up on DadHTP’s car haggling tips beforehand, and did our best to use them.  We visited three dealerships, and eventually decided this Rav4 was the car for me.  (I liked the Honda CRV as well, but it was pricey, even used, and the Nissan Rogue, but the dealer near us had a very limited selection.) 

Unfortunately, because we NEEDED to drive home a car this weekend, we probably weren’t as aggressive as we could have been, but we’re happy with our purchase.  We worked with my car dealer (in another state, boo) uncle over the phone, and he helped us work out our offer strategy over lunch.  Ultimately, we paid $500 below list price, and over $1000 under Blue Book value, so I feel pretty good about that!

(Her name is Daenerys Targaryen.  Dany, for short.)

Anyway, to make this baby-related—before the past few weeks, I’ve driven a tiny car (a Corolla) and Tim has driven a giant car (an Envoy).  We decided it might be better to switch that around, because given our schedules I’ll be doing much of the baby and child-carting.  We’re still waiting to see if Tim’s SUV is a total loss, but if it is (I hope I hope I hope), he’ll be getting a regular midsize car to replace it.

We ultimately chose the Rav4 because it’s roomy without being ginormous, safe, can fit two rear-facing carseats in the back comfortably, and I am a Toyota loyalist.

In other baby-related news, we took baby steps towards starting on the nursery this weekend, thanks to my mother-in-law!

Our nursery will likely be a vintage-y children’s book theme, so she brought us all kind of old books she’d picked up at her local library sale.

Our plan is to use pictures from these as nursery artwork. 

I want to frame the pages from this alphabet book either spelling out the baby’s name and/or initials:

(No, we’re not naming the baby Lily if it’s a girl.  Just an example.)

The other books have some gorgeous illustrations I can’t wait to frame, like this one, from a childhood favorite of mine, Corduroy.

I have no decorating sense at all, but I have the help of a friend and hopefully it’ll come together well.

This week, generally, I feel fabulous and often forget I’m pregnant.  The “symptoms,” if you can even call them that:

• Extreme hunger.  I am starving.  I woke up in the middle of the night the other day and ate trail mix, if that gives you any idea of what it’s like. 
• Sciatic pain and leg cramps.  By the end of most days, especially if I’ve been on my feet a lot, my left buttcheek is killing me, and I’ve had some nasty leg cramps before bed.
• Round ligament pain.  Lots of aches and twinges.
• Bubbles and flutters.  I may or may not be feeling the baby move a little bit at this point.  It could just be gas, I’m well aware, but I’ve had a very light sensation like popcorn popping a few times that feels almost ticklish.  It happens most frequently at night, after a big meal, when I’ve laid down on the couch to watch some TV.  I’m sure it’ll take a few more weeks to feel movement for sure, but I think this might be it.

I had an OB appointment this week and all was well. Lumpy’s heartbeat was 156, and they had to chase him or her around my stomach with the Doppler wand because of all the movement!  I was hoping for a quick ultrasound peek to see if we could find out the sex of the baby, but no dice.

Fitness-wise, I made it to CrossFit twice.  I was shooting for three times, and had planned on going Saturday, but I didn’t think we’d get the check for my car so quickly and we had to go car shopping instead.

I’m getting super anxious to find out if Lumpy is a boy or a girl!  Just three more weeks until we find out…I hope they speed by!  I haven’t let myself do too much shopping yet, but I know that’s when the floodgates will open.  I know a lot of people don’t find out until the baby’s born, but I feel like, for me, knowing whether we’re having a son or a daughter will really help both of us with the bonding process during pregnancy.

Here’s hoping week 16 is another good one!

…I’m freaking exhausted, and overwhelmed.

But I went to CrossFit this morning!  So that was a great start to the day.

I’m cheerier on the front end of my day when I CrossFit in the mornings, but I turn into a major crank by the end because the 5 am wake-up call is rough.

This morning’s WOD, obviously, was some twisted super version of Fran.  Thrusters I can do no problem, but I’m just generally hopeless at pull-ups.  Today I did green band plus jumping.  My plan to get better is that once I birth this fetus, I’ll magically be a pull-up champ because I’ll probably lose at least 20 pounds just from delivery.  Right?  How’s that for half-assed exercise goals?

It’s a busy time of year at work.  So that wore me down.  But I did get the check for Lucille 2 (sob) and we’re hitting the car dealership tomorrow.

The jury’s still out on what’s going to happen to Oscar, Tim’s car.

We don’t know if it’s going to be totaled yet or not.  It’s almost 10 years old, so honestly, I’m hoping it is, but we’ll see.  Please spitball in the comments as to whether you think it will be or not.

Also overwhelming: air conditioner repairman came today (fixed it, not a big deal), and negotiating a leak in our master bedroom sink.

Tonight, we are driving out to the other side of town to have dinner with Tim’s uncle and mom, who is in town for a bridal shower tomorrow.  I was supposed to go the shower, but since we HAVE to buy me a car tomorrow (my rental coverage expires Tuesday!) I backed out.  I’m dropping my gift off with my mother-in-law tonight to take on my behalf.

Oh, and the mother-in-law (who is really lovely, and wonderful, and would not judge me for a dirty house) is staying with us tomorrow night, and the house is a wreck.  Also, overwhelming.

I laid down after the AC guy left and have not been able to get up off the couch since.  Pregnancy is surprisingly draining.  At the end of every day now, I already have sciatic pain on one side, and last night I had pretty fierce leg cramps by bedtime.  I’m wiped!  I thought being in good shape pre-pregnancy would help with this kind of stuff, but I’m already feeling the strain of the 10ish miscarriage/progesterone pounds and the 5 pregnancy pounds I’ve added since November.  Oof.

What do you do when you’re overwhelmed?

One week to the day (almost the minute, actually) after I totaled my car…Tim totaled his.

He’s fine (thank God, again) and so is everyone that was in the accident.  But his car is destroyed since he basically got T-boned on both sides.  (TWSS?)

Sooo…now we’re shopping for TWO cars—a small/medium-ish car and a SUV.  We’ll probably trade and I’ll take the SUV for baby hauling.  Oh, and we have to get at least one car this weekend, because my rental coverage expires Tuesday, and I’m not keen on walking 15 miles to work.

I had an OB appointment right after this happened and my blood pressure was a little high.  Wonder why?

What a freakin’ week, guys.

Wear your seatbelts.

Wear your seatbelt, folks.

I’m not kidding.  It scares the crap out of me to think what might have happened if I didn’t have mine on when this happened.

(No idea about the schoolbus carcass.  This was one bizarre tow lot.)

You can’t see it because of the rain, but the windshield glass had several spiderweb cracks in it.

That styrofoam is half the bumper on the ground.  The rest of the back bumper was inside the car.

Today, I’m extremely sore, especially my neck and hips.  I’m working on sorting through things with insurance, but it looks extremely likely that it will be a total loss and I’ll have a new (to me, anyway) car in a few weeks here.

I just can’t get over how lucky I am to have walked away without a scratch, with our baby safe and sound. 

Thanks for all the good thoughts…I’m off to soak in a tub full of epsom salts.

Just thought I’d post and let you all know that I was in a major car accident this morning on my way to work.  I am fine and so is the baby.  We got very, very lucky.  At least six cars were involved, and my car will be totaled.  The front and back ends are both completely smashed, and my windshield glass shattered.  (Lucille 2 is my car.  It’s a long story, but that’s her name.  WAS her name, anyway.)

It all happened so fast, I’m not totally sure what actually happened.  It wound up being a chain reaction of rear-ending, and I was #3 in line.  I felt the impact of at least 5 or 6 collisions.  After the first, I just remember bracing my legs to take the shock and trying to protect my midsection as much as possible.

I couldn’t get out of my car to see the damage, so I was stuck in my car until the paramedic wrenched my door open from the outside.  At that point, I remember telling the paramedic, “I’m pregnant and I want to go to the hospital,” and I was whisked into an ambulance.  So, I don’t have any pictures of the scene, and I have no idea even what tow lot my car is in.  The paramedics assured me that my baby would be fine because there’s lots of padding down there, but I cried the whole way to the ER in the back of the ambulance because I was so scared.

At the ER, I got an ultrasound and Lumpy was moving around just fine, heart beating away at 160.  After checking to make sure everything was fine, we got to see the face in 3D, to which I said, “I hope it gets cuter before it’s born,” which sent the nurses into hysterics.  (He or she looked like Voldemort. Sorry, baby.)  The ER doctor declared my ultrasound results “better than good…beautiful!” and said everything checked out okay.  The concern with car accidents is placental abruption, but the baby’s placenta is still firmly attached, not bleeding, and my cervix is tightly closed.

Apparently, tomorrow I will be sore, and I experienced a major adrenaline crash this afternoon and took a three hour nap.   But right now I feel so, so lucky that we were not hurt (and that nobody else in the accident appeared to be seriously hurt, either).  I keep wondering about ridiculous things, like how I left my lunch bag in the car, and it had milk in it, and it will spoil and smell awful.  And I keep replaying the weird things I remember—my cheap costume jewelry necklace broke into a million pieces on impact, and CDs I didn’t even know I had came flying out of the console at me.  (Not that it matters.)

So, for now, I’m resting.  Hopefully, I’ll hear back from the claims adjuster tomorrow, and we’ll know a little bit more about how to proceed.  I haven’t gotten official word that my car will be totaled, but from my untrained eye…there’s no way it won’t be.  We can’t go too long on one car—I have rental coverage, but it’s not stellar, so I’m sure we’ll be out car hunting soon and I have no idea what to even look for.  I think I’ll probably want a mid-size car, safe, good gas mileage, with room for a rear-facing car seat and a tall husband.  I’m partial to Toyotas.  Any suggestions?

Rest in peace, Lucille.  You were a great car for six years. 

I’m still here. 

Just…go figure.  Roughly three days after I pull out of the constant nausea and exhaustion of first trimester, allergy season kicks into high gear and I get sick.

So…no CrossFitting for me this week, which is really frustrating, because I was finally getting back into it last week.  I can’t sleep because I’m so stuffy and/or hacking up sinus gunk, so I’m exhausted, and I get the extra special bonus of having to work this Saturday, too.

Waaah.  I just want to feel good again!  Please, let this pass quickly.  Ugh.

Pass the tissues?