Brie Fit

Sorry for the title.  That’s all I can think of right now.  MRIs are loud, dude!

Anyway.  I have been resting from exercise and I’m kind of not a fan.  I really like self-scheduled rest weeks; I hate involuntary rest weeks.  I am having trouble sleeping and find myself wistfully looking at fun races to register for.  (There are a lot of good ones around here in the fall.)

Anyway.  Worked all day.  I arranged to pick up a CD of my x-rays at Dr. Douche’s office tomorrow.  Went for the MRI.  Had to take off all metal stuffs and lock them up.

The MRI itself didn’t make me nervous, but the “OMG MAGNETS” signs totally did.  I kept mentally reviewing to make sure I didn’t have some forgotten-about shrapnel lodged in my skull or something.

The MRI itself was annoying.  I didn’t have to go all the way in the tube, but the lower half of my body was, and I had to lie very still and not move for 35 minutes-ish.  Boooring.  Predictably, my legs fell asleep.  It was also very loud.   I am weird, though, and find medical tests and hospitals and doctor’s offices fascinating,  so at least it was an interesting experience.

Anyway, when it was done, they gave me my films.

Of course I don’t understand them, but you’d better believe I am playing Dr. Google and trying to diagnose myself.  (Even though I know it’s pointless.  Sigh.)

Allegedly Dr. Douche will call me tomorrow.  I’ll probably let it go to voicemail, since I’m seeing Dr. Thorough on Thursday.  I’ll let you know what happens!

(Don’t forget to check out my blogiversary links below!)

Are you afraid of doctors/medical procedures? 

I have been blogging for one year today!  (Okay, I’ve only been at this address since June, but…same difference.)

In case you’re new to my blog…here’s a recap of the last year.

My First Post

I strive to become a Person That Runs

Wedding Dress Rejects

My First Race

How Tim and I met

Stuff Fitness Bloggers Like and I Don’t: Oatmeal

Stuff Fitness Bloggers Like and I Don’t: Pumpkin

My Second Race

We adopt Milhouse!

Engagement Pictures

First day at work

My Third Race

Stuff Fitness Bloggers Like and I Don’t: Working Out

I get re-diagnosed with asthma

My Fourth Race

I review every bar I’ve ever eaten

I run with Milhouse

Why I decided to get healthy

How I lost weight the stupid way

Christmas the first

Christmas the second

2009 in review

New Year’s Resolutions

Half marathon training begins

Registering

My first 10K

I decide to run a marathon

I break my old PDR

I think Shape magazine sucks

Tim turns 26

My first black toenail

I sign on with Team in Training

I have a bachelorette party

I have a bridal shower

I review Hal Higdon’s novice half marathon program

I make everyone cry with a post about my dad

I run my first half marathon

I have another bridal shower

I go to Vegas for work

I have another bachelorette party (in Napa!)

I think the term ‘eating clean’ sucks

The morning of our wedding

I blogged an hour before I walked down the aisle

Wedding recap: Getting ready

Wedding recap: First look/pre-ceremony

Wedding recap: The church

Wedding recap: Portraits

Wedding recap: Details

Wedding recap: The reception

Advice for brides

Wife chop haircut

The honeymoon

Dog Jog race

I turn 26

My second half marathon

My first vlog

Tim’s first 5K

It’s been fun so far!  Hooray for blogging!

Thank you all for your comments regarding Dr. Douche.  I really appreciate all the support.

Anyway, I’ve taken the last couple of days to kind of get my thoughts together, and while they’re definitely not TOGETHER, here is what’s going on.

1. I am going to use Dr. Douche’s MRI order (which is, thankfully, not through his office—it’s just at a hospital) and get the MRI on Tuesday, which will reveal if this is a stress fracture or not.
2. I made an appointment with my old podiatrist (we’ll call him Dr. Thorough) for Thursday to follow up/read the MRI for me.  Luckily, the MRI order says to release the films to patient, and I will have them do that.  I am also going to call Dr. Douche’s office and hopefully get my x-rays from them to bring with me.
3. I may or may not write a strongly worded letter to the partners of the practice Dr. Douche works for regarding his bad attitude and tunnel vision regarding my weight.
4. I am going to take this week off exercise.  Since we are carpooling, and I still don’t know WTF is up with my leg, it’s just easier.  (Dr. Douche’s nurse told me that I should rest until the MRI results are in, anyway.)
5. If this is a stress fracture, the marathon is out, for sure.
6. If this is a stress fracture, I’m going to refocus my fitness goals all-around.  I do still want to run a marathon, someday, but I think I would be just as happy making my 5K time faster.  A co-worker is also urging me to do a short indoor triathlon in February, which I think would be fun and automatic cross-training.  I like running half marathons, too, and I would like to do one in the spring if my body allows.
7. If this is a stress fracture,  if my doctor clears it, I am going to take swim lessons.  They are offered through my gym’s pool for $20 each, which sounds pretty reasonable.  Don’t get me wrong, I can swim, but I want to learn to swim correctly and start lap swimming.
8. If it’s not a stress fracture, the marathon is a lot hazier.  If it’s not a stress fracture, that means I’m having intense pain with no diagnosis (or a different diagnosis, which will likely require rest as well) and I’m not sure running through that is advisable anyway.  And at this point, I would be six weeks out from the marathon, with a PDR of 14 miles.  I am just not certain adding 12 miles to that in that short time period (while injured) is advisable.  Do I want to finish this marathon more than anything?  Yes, absolutely.  But I can’t be stupid about my health, and I just don’t know if this one is in the cards for me.
9. I am being more careful about my diet since I won’t be running.
10. My leg hurts.  It’s been throbbing when I walk lately, which is a new, sucky development.

I know there are great fitness goals left for me to achieve, and I know that I will achieve them.  I don’t know when I will, but I do know that if I don’t treat my body well and let it heal properly, it will take longer. 

So, that’s what’s up.  I hope you all had good weekends!

A Nike ad, via Monica:

All your life you are told the things you cannot do.

All your life they will say you’re not good enough

or strong enough

or talented enough;

they will say you’re the wrong height

or the wrong weight

or the wrong type

to play this or be this or achieve this.

THEY WILL TELL YOU NO,

a thousand times no,

until all the nos become meaningless.

All your life they will tell you no,

quite firmly and very quickly.

And you will tell them Yes.

I am literally seething with anger right now.

I went to the ortho this morning.  (Only to find out that the doc they put me with is a podiatrist, so, WTF, I already have a podiatrist.)  They took x-rays.

Doc comes in, examines my shin.  (Completely ignores my foot pain.)  Feels the bone and finds that there is an area of pinpoint pain that’s worse with pressure.  Says the dreaded s-word–he thinks it’s a stress fracture.  Then we had the following awesome conversation:

Doctor: How much did you weigh in high school?

Me: I’m not sure, but a lot more than I do now.

Doctor: How tall are you and what do you weigh now?

Me: I’m 5’6″, about 160 pounds.

Doctor:  Oh.  Well, to run a marathon, you need to be 125.

Me: Really?  Because I had to starve myself down to 150 and it was completely unrealistic and unmaintainable.  I’m pretty happy where I am.

Doctor: (shrugs)  Well, to run a marathon, you should weigh 125.  Your body can’t take the force of all your weight, which is why you have so much pain.  Why don’t you rest for 6 weeks, lose 30 pounds and shoot for a February marathon instead?

Me: (blank stare)

Doctor:  In the meantime, you can do the elliptical!  Do you like the elliptical?

Me: No.

Doctor: I notice your eyes watering.,

Me: Well, I’ve trained very hard for this and it’s hard to see it taken away.

Doctor: Like I said, lose at least 30 pounds, you can do a marathon then.  (throws tissues at me, I start to cry, he leaves room)

So…yeah.  I understand that weight has an impact on running, I’m not a dolt.  But this guy explained nothing to me and completely blamed my weight for everything.  Didn’t ask how I was training, didn’t ask how long I’d been running, didn’t ask about my shoes.  I am not skinny (though I am healthy and in badass shape), and that’s all that mattered to him.

After I’d calmed down, I called the nurse back to be like, “So, I got no actual medical advice.  WTF?” and she asked him, called me back, and said they are sending me for an MRI to see if it’s a stress fracture because those don’t show up on x-rays.  THEN SHE ASKED IF I WANTED A FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT.  Uh, no.  Not with that ass, thanks.

Do I think it’s a stress fracture?  Maybe.  His rationale was that I have pinpoint pain on one area of my shin (more on the side than the front of my leg) that is worse with pressure.  But he also totally ignored my foot pain, which is obviously also an issue.

I don’t know what to do other than wait for the results of my MRI and take them to my OLD podiatrist, who is great.  If it is a stress fracture, I’m out for 6 weeks, minimum.  If it’s not, I’m flushing a weekend of training down the toilet because this douchecanoe couldn’t take the time to look at other things I think it might be (like peroneal tendonitis).

The worse case scenario is that it is a stress fracture and I will have to withdraw from the Chicago Marathon I’ve trained so hard for.  I have read horror stories about what happens when you run marathons with a stress fracture and I’m not willing to permanently damage my body.  If this is the case, I will speak to my coach about transferring to a half marathon team for the spring or potentially the Chicago Marathon team for next year.  No matter what happens, your donations to TnT will still go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, an incredibly wonderful cause that I am proud to support.

I am just stunned and feel awful.  Every negative thought I’ve ever had about myself is flooding back over and over again and I keep telling myself that I was just told by a doctor that I am too fat to run a marathon.

I may take a few days away from blogging while I process this all.  I promise to come back post-MRI and update you, though!

You all know there are some days I really struggle with getting out there for a run.  Today was one of those days.

I’m not sure what the deal was, but this morning I was sneezy and a bit sniffly, and I couldn’t shove my contacts into my eyeballs without feeling like I was shooting flames whenever I blinked.  (Glasses day!)  I was also really, really tired.  (I stayed up too late reading Mockingjay.  OMG so good.) 

Anyway, lunch break rolled around, and I tweeted…

So, instead of a lunchtime run, I shut my office door, ate lunch, and read through my Google reader.  A good meal perked me up a bit, as did finishing a big project after lunch, so finally, I decided…

And that I did.  I didn’t really feel a ton like running, but I got a minor energy boost from my afternoon snack, and I KNEW that I’d feel so much better about my day if I at least gave it the ol’ college try.  (Plus, traffic home right at 5 pm is a nightmare…traffic at 5:45-6 pm is much more bearable.)

Tonight I experimented with running on an outdoor track.  There is a nice, squishy quarter-mile-long track exactly .2 miles from my office door.  I  thought the surface might be a little more forgiving on my bum leg, if nothing else. Surprisingly, I really liked it!  I hate the indoor, 8 laps to a mile, weirdly banked track at the gym, but the outdoor version is nice and soft and flat. 

Anyway, I ran 3 miles watching a soccer practice.  It would have been a good run if I didn’t feel like I was dragging half a wooden leg around with me the whole time.  At this point, I just feel like my left lower leg and foot are completely useless and just dead.  I’m not sure if I’m guarding the areas because I know if I put any kind of force or pressure on them they’ll hurt, or what, but I literally feel like I’m running with one leg and just kind of dragging the other along for the ride.  It’s interesting.  And obviously a challenge.

Random observation: I think I like running without music outside, even though I much prefer running with music (or podcast) inside.

Tomorrow morning is my appointment with Dr. Ortho.  I really don’t even know what to say to him, other than that “It hurts here, and here, and here, and sometimes here, and it’s kind of numb, but sometimes stabby, HELP.”  Please send prayers, vibes, lit candles, and incantations of “reparo!” my way at 9 am CST!

Music while working out: yay, nay, or neutral?

Day 2 of the Outdoor Challenge was a rousing success mentally and spiritually, but not so much physically.  I still chalk it up in the “win” column, though! 

I discovered that I work not too far from a sculpture garden and a park, both of which encourage running on their paths (and have water fountains!).   So…I ran there.  (I totally ate it, faceplanted in the grass on the way at mile 0.4.  In front of stopped traffic.  But I was fine.)

Sculptures!

Cool scenery!

I never knew this giant wall of water existed even though I drive past it every day!  (It’s below street level, so you can’t really see it from a car unless you’re driving towards it.)

All the benches have quotations on them. 

(This reminded me of all your generous donations to Team in Training!

Of course, when I saw the path through the water, I had to take it, even if I got a little muddy.

(In response to your comments last night, yes, I have and love a RoadID that I wear on my shoe!)

It was muddy and sloppy, but I liked it anyway!

More fountains!  (Kansas City is known for having fountains basically everywhere.)  They kind of make me have to pee, and feel thirsty, but they are cool to look at.

Final stats:

(I obviously took a lot of pictures, which accounts for the slow-ish pace.)  I wanted to get a longer run in, but my lower left leg was feeling crappy (STILL UGH OMG) and I forgot my water.  (75.86/100 miles done!)

I also enjoyed listening to the FREE musical stylings of Mochi Beats on my run today.    Download it!  It’s basically mash-ups of cool pop songs.

(The winner of my Pillsbury Sweet Moments giveaway, chosen by random.org, is comment 14, Danielle!  Congrats, Danielle!) 

What quotations inspire you?

A few commenters (and Tim) recently suggested that I try taking more of my runs off the treadmill and see what that does for my various leg/shin/ankle/foot pains.   So…I did!

(I got stuck at two monstrously long stoplights—about 2 minutes each—so I probably averaged 10 minute miles, when I was actually running.)

Anyway, yes, today I went running outside on my lunch break.  My office is in a pretty good spot for running—I ran all over campus, and on a pretty trail near some fountains.  It was somewhat hilly, but nowhere near as hilly as it is in our neighborhood.  It was also HOT—running at noon in August isn’t the brightest idea.  It was about 88-90 degrees!

Leg-wise…it still hurt.  But the pain was less stabby than it was on the treadmill.  My guess is that something is injured/irritated (duh) and it’s going to hurt for awhile no matter where I run.  But it was better!  So that’s something. 

Anyway…I’m challenging myself to run outside only for at least the next week or two to see what it does. 

It sounds easy enough, but guys, this is kind of a big deal for me.  Confession time: I’m kind of afraid of outdoor running.  I am a paranoid-ish enough person, and I swear every “cute lady runner murdered on trail” news story is burned in my brain.  Even in broad daylight, I’m hyper-aware of my surroundings.  I also don’t know Kansas City all that well, and I’m scared of getting lost or taking a wrong turn and winding up somewhere unsafe and I don’t know where the nice trails and sidewalks are.  And I get nervous when I don’t have an easily accessible bathroom and water supply, and I wonder WTF will happen to me if I have an asthma attack on some random street.

So, this challenge isn’t just for my body, it’s for my mind, too.  I’m tired of being scared, and hopefully I’ll learn to be a tougher cookie this way.

(PS: I’m at 72.86/100 miles for my self-imposed mileage challenge this month!  I think I can do this!)

What are your favorite outdoor running safety tips?

Tim and I, admittedly, don’t get to downtown Kansas City much together.   We both work near various KC tourist-y areas, so we get to experience them during the workday, and usually don’t bother heading down together on weekends.  This weekend, we got to spend some time downtown and take in some of the local culture we’ve missed in the last year!

On Saturday night, we went downtown to the Power & Light District and met some of Tim’s friends for beers at The Flying Saucer!

(I fully admit to drinking two big beers solely to feel more comfortable in the crowd.  It helped!)  I had a Bell’s Oberon, one of my favorites, and whatever was on special that wasn’t great.

The main event of the night was ROLLER DERBY! 

The whole thing was fascinating, but I was not a fan of standing the whole time!   Although I totally want to get roller skates/blades now.  (Interesting facts: as a child, I would roller skate up and down my block while holding a book in front of my nose.  I made all the moms nervous, but never fell!  Although I do have a scar on my right elbow from falling on rollerblades (not while reading) when I was 13—I had to get 9 stitches!)

Anyway.  Good times were had, socializing was done. 

This afternoon, we visited the Boulevard Brewery!

If you’re not familiar with Boulevard beer…it’s delicious.  It’s a large brewery (I think they said it’s #16 in the US), but their beers are more crafty.  I’m a big fan.

And I also think all their boxes and logos are super cute.

The best part about this tour is that it’s totally free!  You have to make online reservations a fair bit in advance, but I’d totally recommend checking it out if you’re in the area.

Anyway, we saw parts of the old brewery building, including these barrels:

And then we went over to the new brewery building, which just opened in 2006 and is one of the most efficient breweries in the world!  (They only have to brew beer 4 days a week!)
The building is quite cool for what is essentially a factory—they built in lots of windows to maximize natural light and minimize electric bills!

  I was sad we didn’t get to see the bottling process while it was going on, but it looked pretty cool.

At the end of the tour, we all got to go to the tasting room and try four generous pours of their brews!

Tim and I are actually pretty familiar with their different beers already (heh) but we tried three anyway.

I started with the Amber Ale, which I loved:

Then I moved on to their Tank 7, which is very hoppy and not my style:

  And then we shared pours of the dry stout (left) and Bully Porter:

  Loved the stout, but the porter was a little intense and roast-y for me.

All in all, it was a fun, free afternoon activity!  Good times.

Then I came home and cooked up a storm.  I’m getting into a routine of doing “heavy cooking” on Sunday so as to minimize weekday cooking and meal prep.  I’ve started portioning salad greens, pitas, hummus, granola, and the like into individual containers in bulk on Sunday nights so I just have to mix and match and toss ‘em in a bag during the week for lunches.

I also roasted a chicken (unpictured) and potatoes for dinner tonight.  We’ll eat the chicken in various ways throughout the week.  I also made a huge batch of this delightful taco-inspired pasta salad:

(I couldn’t find wagon wheels!)

Anyway, the pasta salad will go in lunches all week, and we’re going to mix it with some leftover roasted chicken for dinner tomorrow.

I also baked cookies for Tim’s office!

…and I caught some interspecies snorgling on camera.

Back to work tomorrow!

What’s your favorite tourist activity in your town?

This morning, I wanted to do a long run.  Marathon training calls for 18 this week, and yet again, I fell short.

I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to bust out the full 18 since I’ve been in pain while running all week, but I at least wanted to get a respectable amount of it done.  I started nice and slow, even doing a rough run 10 minutes, walk 1 pattern.

My first steps were painful, but the pain seemed to lessen after a mile or so.  At mile 2.5 or so, I took one step with my left foot and felt a surge of excruciating, hot pain up and down the inside of my left leg.  From then on, the pain was dull, but definitely present in both my leg and the outside of my foot.  At mile 5, I felt like I had very little control over my left ankle, which was rolling in uncontrollably and causing a shooting pain in my arch and ankle.

I called it quits at mile 6.1.  And I immediately felt awful.  Could I still run?  Yes, physically.  Was it a good idea?  Probably not.  Was the pain unbearable?  No, but it was definitely present, and I felt like a domino effect was happening—one pain triggered another and another and another.

I went home and started crying as soon as I saw Tim.  I am going to be honest and say that I absolutely hate what marathon training has done to my perspective—I ran 6.1 miles today!  And I felt terrible about it!  And I shouldn’t!  I’d bet that the vast majority of Americans can’t run that far.  But I felt bad, because 6.1 =/= 18.  And that frame of minds sucks.

At this point, I’d be lying if I said the thought of quitting had never crossed my mind, because it does, daily.  But I think what I need to do now, frankly, is lower my expectations.  I am going to talk to the orthopedist on Thursday about what is reasonable for me, and if that means running half the marathon and walking half, so be it.  (I have almost no pain when walking; it’s almost exclusively reserved for running.)  I may not run the whole way, but I will finish.

At least there’s always Chipotle.

Tim and I have a fun night of beer and roller derby (spectating) ahead, so hopefully that will take my mind off things!

What’s your favorite chain restaurant?