Brie Fit

My life the past three months has been consumed with keeping Charlie happy and safe.  And there are some products that make that job way easier.  Here are some things I’d recommend to first time moms!

Fisher Price Rock n’ Play Sleeper

Charlie has slept in this every night since he’s been home.  Since the current recommendation for SIDS prevention is that baby and mom sleep in the same room for six months, he snoozes in this next to my side of the bed.  It’s light enough that I can drag it into the master bath one-handed in the morning to take a shower while watching him through the glass doors, and folds flat for easy storage.  Plus, I’ve heard the incline is great for refluxy babies.

Halo Swaddle Sleep Sacks (also pictured above)

Charlie was obviously super strong from all the CrossFit he did in utero, so normal swaddles didn’t cut it.  We used the SwaddleMe, and he busted out of it in less than three seconds. Regular swaddling blankets were okay (we used the much-recommended Aden and Anais ones, which I found extremely overrated) but he usually busted out of those, too.  This is bust-out-proof, and cuddly, warm fleece.  We also are now using it as a regular sleep sack with the swaddle done so his arms are out now, so it’s versatile!

Aveeno Eczema Therapy

Charlie’s got a touch of eczema.  This stuff works really well.

Bum Genius 4.0 Cloth Diapers

We tried a number of cloth diaper brands and these came out on top.  (Get the ones with snaps!)

We tried:

• Prefolds and covers (worked great for the newborn stage, but he outgrew quickly)
• FuzziBunz (okay, nice and trim but hard to adjust the sizing and didn’t like stuffing them—sold them to buy more BG4.0s)
• BumGenius Elementals (okay, Charlie seems to prefer fabrics that wick moisture away so the cotton is not ideal, plus they stain easily and take a long time to dry)
• Rumparooz (my second favorites—a bit bulky but they are great for overnights)
• Twinkie Tush fitteds (love them for overnights!  We use them with Blueberry covers.)
• Kawaiis (got one as a freebie and I really like it.  I’d recommend it for someone looking to cloth diaper on the cheap.)
• Ones & Twos (also got one as a freebie—I hate it because it’s hard to stuff and it has a narrow crotch)

My Brest Friend

I loathe the name of this pillow but it was great for nursing Charlie when he was teeny.  Way better than the Boppy.  I don’t use it much anymore but the firm surface was a must for maintaining a good latch.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

Another cheesy title, but great info in this book.  I tried reading it before Charlie came and quickly got overwhelmed, but it’s great to reference when we’re having an issue or read along with, since it has sections sorted by the age of your baby.  There are some eyebrow-raising slash eye-rolling sections, like the “epidurals are the devil” section and the part that tells you to use breastmilk as a fun sexual aid, but all in all, solid advice.

Skip Hop Dunks Bath Toys

Look cute, but great for rinsing baby hair in the bathtub and can be a fun bath toy later on.

Ergo Baby Carrier

I have the Organic version, but I think they’re all basically the same.  I basically no longer use a stroller in public because Charlie p refers to be cuddled up on me in this. I put him in, and he will peep out of it looking around for awhile, and eventually settle his head on my chest for a nap. When he was wee we used the infant insert and it seriously saved my sanity.  For about the first ten weeks of his life, he only wanted to be held and cuddled but, you know, I also needed to do things like eat and go to the bathroom.  This allowed me to multitask.

Charlie has also attended two weddings in the Ergo.

Kicky Pants Sleeper

These are ludicrously expensive for baby sleepers but we got one as a gift and I adore it.  It’s super soft, adorable, and has the fold over hand mittens that keep your kid from gouging his eye out.

Squirrels!  (And baby acne.  He had an awkward phase.  Sorry, kid.)

So that’s that.  My favorite products (and Charlie’s!).  Enjoy!

Hi!

I can’t really explain my absence other than that I needed to step away from the internet for awhile after Charlie was born.  It was just all very overwhelming and I needed to focus on him, and me, and our family.  Hopefully you understand.

But now, he’s 11 weeks old, and I have something of a groove back, so I figured I might try again.  So here are some quick updates.

On Charlie:

He is fabulous.  Healthy, growing, and a fairly “easy” baby (though not without certain difficulties, such as a general refusal to nap anywhere but physically on my person).  He gets more and more interactive every day, which is all kinds of awesome. Also?  Adorable.

On me:

Was diagnosed with postpartum depression in C’s first month.  It’s real, it sucks, but thankfully I caught it early and have gotten appropriate help and am feeling much better (although admittedly not 100% yet).  Physically, healed well from the whole labor and delivery business.

On fitness:

Still a whopping 25 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  I’ve been back at CrossFit a few times a week and also doing Couch to 5K on our treadmill, but nothing is budging weight-wise.  This is probably because breastfeeding makes me ravenous and I’ve taken sampling every flavor of Target’s trail mix as a personal challenge. So take the “fit” part of this blog with a grain of salt, as I clearly am not exactly a shining example anymore.

On work:

Going back after the first of the year.  I’m nervous but also a little excited.

On breastfeeding:

Got lucky and it’s been super easy for us.  Charlie is probably close to 13 pounds now, so we’ve got a good thing going.

On cloth diapering:

Love it.  Easier than expected.  Adorable.

On holidays:

Charlie had two Halloween costumes:

And appropriate Thanksgiving garb, too:

On motherhood in general:

Man, I love this kid a lot.  He is pretty fantastic.  I will say that I felt horrible in the beginning that the immediate mama bear overwhelming love didn’t really hit me right away—it was definitely something that took some time to grow.  But he gets more fun and adorable and sweet every day and I am so, so, so lucky and thankful to have him.  When I think back to where I was this time last year…man. 

Thank you for the comments and e-mails saying you’ve missed me.  I appreciate that you’ve been thinking about us and I’m sorry I disappeared.  Again, no promises going forward, but..hi, again.

It’s been a big week for Charlie.

He watched his first Mizzou game.

He went to the pediatrician for the first time.  He’s almost back up to birth weight!  He got down to 8 pounds, 6 ounces the Friday after he was born, but rebounded to 8 pounds, 15 ounces by the following Tuesday.

We started cloth diapering.  So far, so good!  We got a bunch of free disposables from the hospital that we used the first few days at home.  Now, we are cloth diapering during the day and just using the disposables at night and when we leave the house.  I’m still a little…fragile…these days, so we’re easing in.

(PS: The BumGenius Newborns, pictured above, are still too big for his chicken legs.  Right now, my favorite diapers are cotton pre-folds with Thirsties covers, seen below.)

Charlie also met the pets.  They are largely uninterested.  Milhouse gives him a good sniff every now and then, but that’s about it.

We also had professional newborn pictures taken on Sunday—I can’t wait to see them!

We took our first outing, to Target, and he slept through the whole thing.  He did great; I nearly had an anxiety attack in the middle of the tampon aisle.  My postpartum emotions are still a bit out of control.  I THINK they’re getting a little better at this point?  We’ll see.

Generally, and I hate to jinx us—we’ve been blessed with a pretty easy newborn.  He sleeps long stretches at night, to the point we have to wake him up to eat, and he seems to fuss and cry only when something is wrong, like a dirty diaper or he’s hungry or gassy. 

My mom went home yesterday, so today is the first day with just the two of us.  So far, everything is going well, although I admit I’m a little lonely and bored.  The weird anxiety is keeping me fairly house-bound for today, but I think tomorrow we will attempt a short trip to the grocery store.  We’ll see.  Although I knew my life would change drastically, you can’t really KNOW until one day you’re like, “whoa, my formerly independent, career-driven life is now all about breastfeeding on the couch watching Top Chef reruns.”  It’s a huge shift.  And then there’s the anxiety—I worry that he’s sleeping too much, or nursing too much, or if he’s crying.

Physically, my body is completely different overnight—my stomach is squishy and has stretch marks and my hips are wider, even though I’ve lost 30 pounds since he was born.  (Don’t worry.  I still have plenty more to lose. Ugh.)  My boobs are gigantic and none of my clothes, pre-baby or maternity, fit right.

Also, because it deserves mention: I have never loved my husband more.  Going through labor and delivery with him by my side was absolutely incredible, and seeing him as a father just brings everything to a new level.  (And the push present doesn’t hurt, either…a gorgeous sapphire and diamond ring!)

Anyway.  One week down.  Here’s to week two!

I guess this isn’t really his birth story anymore, since he’s been born and all already, but I wanted to write down what happened in the hospital after his birth, mostly to remember it for myself later on.

Once Charlie was born, and I was appropriately medically stable, the doctor left and the nurses cleaned up a bit.  The nurse on duty at the time, Connie, told me that I could take as long as I needed in the labor and delivery room before I’d be moved to the mother and baby side of the floor (with a comfortable bed!).  They took Charlie from me after a few minutes of skin-to-skin to check his Apgars and such and then gave him back to me for awhile.

Since it was around 9 o’clock at night and I was starving from not eating for almost 24 hours, we decided that we would send Charlie to the nursery for awhile to get fully checked out while Tim went to get food for us.  (Steak and Shake.  And yes, I got the shake, and it was amazing.)

So we ate, and called all the relevant parties.  Then the nurse came in with a bag full of super amazing supplies and took me to the bathroom.  I remember that she wanted to pee, but I couldn’t because everything was so swollen.  Oddly enough, she thought that the remedy for this was peppermint essential oils dripped in the toilet, but, it didn’t work.  I really loved the hospital’s policies on being fairly crunchy and the like, but this one was a head-scratcher.  I just wanted to get moved over to the other side of the floor so I could see Charlie again and get some sleep…not sniff peppermint oil out of a bloody toilet.  But I digress.

Eventually we agreed that peeing wouldn’t happen right then, so we made up a giant happiness pad sandwich (mesh underwear, puppy pee pad, regular pad, ice pack pad, Tucks pads, EpiFoam) and were on our way to the other side of the birthing center to get settled in our new room.

Tim and I don’t totally remember what went on in what order at that point, but they brought Charlie back to me all clean and dressed and we started breastfeeding at that point.  Obviously, he wasn’t getting much, but he latched well and right away.  We spent some time taking pictures of him, but at that point it was after midnight and we were all exhausted.  We decided to send Charlie to the nursery for the night so we could both recover, which was a great choice.  That night, I THINK they brought him to me twice to breastfeed.

Since Charlie was born on Tuesday night, if all went well (and it did) we would be discharged Thursday.  Wednesday is all a bit of a blur to me, honestly.  It was so lovely just having that day just the three of us together.  We met Charlie’s pediatrician, who confirmed he’s perfect, and my OB came to check up on everything.  I also had nurses checking our vitals off and on all day.  That night, some sweet friends brought us dinner in the hospital and we got to visit with them.

On Thursday, we both got one final check and were able to go home. (Yes, the car seat strap LOOKS loose in that picture but I assure you it was just a bad angle.  They wouldn’t have let us go if it was.)

As far as MY physical recovery, it hasn’t been bad at all.  I’m sore, but it gets better every day.  The first night in the hospital, I took Tylenol + Codeine and Motrin for swelling.  The second night, I took Norco and Motrin.  After that, I’ve just been on a steady diet of Motrin for swelling and now, to relieve the pain of engorgement.  Every night I soak my stitches in a warm bath, too.  Bleeding has slowed but is still kind of nasty. 

Honestly, the worst part of recovery has been my emotions—I have been a complete and utter basketcase.  I go wildly from being completely fine to sobbing.  I feel elated and happy one minute, and completely overwhelmed and anxious another.  I worry about weird things about whether visiting family members are enjoying themselves, or whether my body will ever look and feel normal again,  According to the follow-up visit nurse, this is totally normal, but if it continues past two weeks I’ll be talking to my doctor about post-partum depression and/or anxiety.  It’s not exactly a pretty topic, but I am definitely aware it’s out there and if it does become an issue for me I want to get help sooner rather than later.

The pets are adjusting well and don’t seem to even really notice the changes.  Buckley kind of has his hackles up, but that’s normal whenever there’s a lot of activity and strangers around. 

Thus far, Charlie has been great.  He sleeps a lot, seems to love breastfeeding, and really only gets fussy in the evenings.  I don’t really have much of a parenting strategy at this point other than to cuddle him and let him nurse for comfort as much as possible.  It’s not bad.

I don’t know how much I’ll be around in the coming weeks, since Charlie is #1 and we have a lot of visitors trickling through.  Just FYI if I go missing!

All in all, the last week has easily been the most significant of my entire life.  I get overwhelmed thinking about just how…big…this whole parenthood deal is.  I am so madly in love with Charlie, and seeing Tim become a father just makes me want to explode with happiness.  I can’t wait to see what the next weeks and months bring!

So yes.  The epidural man came, and I was happy.  See?  I am reading on my Kindle, during labor.

Getting the actual epidural wasn’t bad.  The worst part was having contractions while they were doing it and trying to hold still.  One of my greatest fears about an epidural was that I would be totally numb, and that wasn’t the case at all.  The pain was gone, but I still had enough sensation to be able to move myself around in bed a bit and, later on, feel the contractions gearing up to time my pushes.  I am also glad that I timed the epidural the way I did–I got the experience of unmedicated labor for awhile, but I got the epidural early enough that I was able to save my strength for pushing, which I needed.  (Spoiler alert!)

My notes from this point of labor read: “1:30 epidural.  2:00 AWESOME.”’

From this point on, I was able to rest.  I could still feel the pressure and belly hardening of contractions, but not the intense pain and nausea.  I kept getting repositioned due to slight heart rate decelerations from the baby.

At 2:30, they checked me and I was 7 cm and 90% effaced.  Fabulous!

From 2:30-4:15, I rested and chatted with Tim about how awesome the epidural was and how it was totally the right decision.

Around 4:15, I started feeling increased pressure with each contraction, and then there was another big gush of…something…which I was later informed was mass quantities of “bloody show.”  Cool!  Because of this, they checked me again, and bam, fully dilated and effaced and ready to push.  They left to go get ready and Tim and I took a “ready to push!” face photo.  See?  That’s my pushing practice face.

We mean business, people.

While we were waiting the 15 or so minutes for them to set everything up to start pushing, I started shaking uncontrollably.  The nurses said this was probably transition.

Because it must be noted, here was my view during labor and delivery.  The facilities here really are lovely and I enjoyed not staring at a wall while pushing.

So, at 4:45 or so, we were ready to go, and I started to push.  It was just me and Tim, and the nurses Amelia and Leslie in the room.  My feet went up in stirrups, and every time I would feel the pressure of a contraction coming on, I would pull up, curl over my belly, and give 3-4 10 second long pushes.

In the beginning, I remember saying, “this is fun!” and…it actually was.  I know how strong my body is from CrossFitting, so I was really able to push effectively.  It was kind of like a tabata WOD—continuous work/rest intervals.  The nurses were so fabulous and gave me lots of good advice, and Tim was extremely awesome as well. He’d always half-joked about staying up near my head during labor and not looking down, but he got really into it, which surprised me!   After I’d been pushing about an hour, he suggested one of the nurses get a mirror so I could see what was going on.  At first, I resisted, but he told me that it was really cool to watch and that I would like it.  So, I took his advice and we got the mirror and whoa, that was cool to see the head coming down.  Like, coolest thing ever.

(Oh, and as a side note, I pooped pretty much the entire time I was on the table, too.  Nothing huge, but with every push…out came some poop.  It was more effective that way.  I did not care one bit.)

The pushing got more and more intense as the baby descended.  I was deemed a very awesome pusher, but progress was slow.  As we reached the end of the second hour, my epidural was mostly worn off, and even though I could SEE his head right there, it just wouldn’t quite crown no matter how hard I pushed.  The nurses changed shifts at 6 pm, but they kept sticking around for “just one more push, because that’s it!” except it never was.  Bless their hearts—they ended up staying closer to 7 just because they wanted to end the shift with a birth.  Sorry, ladies.

(Another side note: I pushed so hard I broke a bunch of blood vessels in my face.  I feel really hardcore about that.)

The new nurse came on at 6, and by 7, I was beginning to wear down.  I felt like I was losing energy and getting nowhere.  One of the nurses suggested that the baby might be coming out face-up, rather than the normal face-down, which would make getting through my pelvis pretty difficult.  They then began mentally preparing me for a coneheaded, bruised baby (ha!) and called in the doctor, who arrived around 7.

The doctor came in and confirmed, in his calm-but-awesome way, that the baby was most likely sunny-side up and would probably need to be manipulated out.  We also discussed tearing versus an episiotomy, and while everyone would have preferred I tear, it looked like a small episiotomy might be in order.

(Another side note: I wore the Moving Comfort Fiona bra for labor and delivery and highly recommend it. It’s sporty enough to withstand the athletic nature of labor, but I was able to whip the front down quickly for skin-to-skin and breastfeeding.)

So I pushed, and I pushed, and now the doctor had his hands up there trying to spin the baby into a better position, and everyone was telling me what a good pusher I was while I told them to “SHUT UP IF I WAS A GOOD PUSHER I WOULD HAVE HAD THIS BABY TWO HOURS AGO,” or “STOP TOUCHING ME EVERYONE, NO REALLY.”  I was not prepared for the mental panic that this part of labor would bring—I was giving everything left in my body and it was not enough.  I could see the reflection of his head practically halfway out of me but not quite there and wanted to give up.  My hips and legs ached, my teeth hurt from gritting them, I was lightheaded and sweating like mad but he was just…stuck.  And there was no end in sight because the nurses and doctor and Tim were all dirty liars who kept saying, “this push is it!” and then it WASN’T.  Not that I’m mad about that or anything.

Also, I asked the super sweet OB if he could just use a vacuum or forceps or something, and he looked at me like the Ryan Gosling meme he is and said (I am not kidding), “Girl, you know I could use those things but they would put your baby at risk, and I know you are strong enough to do this!”  Can I just put him in my pocket and carry him around with me?

But anyway.  My point is that I pushed until I literally thought they would have to shove the baby back in and cut him out.  The pain was incredible and I could literally see my nether regions exploding before my eyes.  But I finally just decided to nut up and push until I passed out or died, and gave it everything I had, and…out he came.  I felt immense relief when the head came out—they twisted his shoulders a bit and everything else just kind of slithered out behind it. Grand total: 3.5 hours of pushing.  I remember a huge gush of fluid, and someone saying, “he’s peeing!”

And then I was all:

“OMG my baby!  Give me my baby!”

And Dr. Ryan Gosling suctioned him out super quick and Tim cut the cord and they sort of splashed his gooey wiggling self on me and it was pretty much the most awesome thing ever.  And we totally didn’t know where the camera was in all the 3.5 hour pushing marathon craziness so all these are from Tim’s iPhone.

And then after awhile they weighed him and I delivered the placenta (okay, it kind of just fell out) and they stitched me up (final tally: one small episiotomy, numerous stitches from a natural tear on one side, zero hemorrhoids) and I called my mom and Tim called his parents.

And all was right with the world again now that sweet Charlie was in our arms.

Charles Thomas

September 25, 2012

8:06 pm

9 pounds, 5 ounces

21 inches long

So I really like reading birth stories, so to speak, and I’ve been chomping at the bit to write Charlie’s down since he came out.  He’s now sleeping peacefully on his dad’s chest, so here goes nothing.

Editorial note: I took notes on my phone as this was going on, so it should be pretty darn accurate.

Anyway.  In the weeks leading up to his birth, I tried just about everything to get this baby to come out naturally, including but not limited to miles of walking (including curb walking, which is supposed to open up your pelvis), acupuncture induction, assorted natural prostaglandins, spicy food, squats…et cetera.  And no luck.  So at my 40w3d appointment, my doctor and I talked about the risks versus benefits of keeping the baby in versus out and determined it was time to schedule an induction.

Final belly picture:

Tim didn’t want to be left out:

On Monday, September 24, I was 41w1d pregnant.  My instructions were to report to the birthing center (which, for Kansas Citians, I cannot recommend highly enough) at 6 pm.  On the way, we stopped for Jimmy John’s for dinner, and then Tim spilled his Coke all over the car so we had to stop at a gas station for napkins, which resulted in us being a little late.  Oops.

One last photo as a family of two:

So we show up around 6:10 that night, and get all checked in. 

Look how excited I am to go to level 3, finally!  My doctor’s office is on level 2, so I always get to push that button.  Far less fun.

They put us back in room 303 and did some quick bloodwork for labs and inserted an IV line in my hand in case they needed it for some reason.  At 7:15, they placed the Cervadil gel, which is basically like a flat tampon with horrible, sharp corners, near my cervix and told me to stay on my back in bed for two hours.  So, of course, I did.  We watched Boardwalk Empire and some Frasier, and around 8:45 I started feeling some very tiny twinges of contractions.  Around 11, we decided to try to get some sleep, but between the excitement, the cramping, and the fetal monitors strapped to my stomach and blood pressure cuff on my arm, it wasn’t happening.  Also?  Labor and delivery beds are UNCOMFORTABLE, because a) they can’t be at all squishy because they have to withstand all kinds of bodily fluids and b) the bottom half magically comes off when it’s time to have the baby and you get the stirrup treatment.

Here is what it looks like to be excited to have a baby but not really in active labor yet:

The nurse said I could have something to help me sleep, so I called and requested that, hoping to get some rest for Birth Day.  It was a little disappointing to get a Benadryl-like substance instead of something…harder.  It didn’t really work.  I finally fell asleep around 1 am, and at 5:15 am, we woke up so we could brush our teeth and get ready to go, since I was told that around 5:30 the OB on duty would be rounding and we’d get this party started for real.

(Of note: I couldn’t eat anything besides clear liquids after midnight, which was a wee bit sucky, but maaaybe Tim snuck me some bites of trail mix and a few peanut butter crackers throughout the day.  Hypothetically.  Because you need energy to push a baby out.)

So, at 5:30, as promised, the OB, Dr. R., showed up.  She’s my second favorite doctor in the practice (of six OBs), and would be on call until 1, when my favorite, Dr. B. came in.  They checked my cervix and thanks to the Cervadil, I’d gone from 1 cm and 25% effaced to 3 cm and 75% effaced overnight!  Boom.  The only part of the process I wasn’t quite happy with was that I saw her coming at me with a hook, and I was like, “uh, what’s that?” and she’s like “oh, I’m going to break your water.”  Rather than be like, “I’m going to break your water now.”  Not a big deal, but still a little odd.

Then she broke my water, which kinda hurt, and I gushed all over, which was nasty and made me nauseous.  Once that was done, they started the Pitocin drip (6 mg/hour, I believe) through the IV as promised, and two new nurses (fabulous!) named Leslie and Amelia came on call at 6 am.  They said they would start the Pitocin low, and only increase it if my contractions weren’t making any progress. 

About an hour later, they doubled the Pitocin to 12 mg/hour because I wasn’t contracting quite enough yet.  At that point, it started getting slightly more painful, but not unbearable.

At 8:30, my Pitocin was increased for the last time that day, and I went to 18 mg/hour, which was where it stayed until the very end.  At 9:30, I got another cervical check and I had dilated to 4 cm, but they said it was “very loose” and could have easily been stretched further.

Dad-Cam:

Once we hit that magic dose of 18 mg/hour, contractions were coming fast.  It wasn’t that they were unbearably hard, but they were right on top of each other.  Out of curiosity, I whipped out a contraction timer app, and by 11 am, my contractions were in the 30-40 seconds each range…but they were less than 2 minutes apart.  At some point, the nurses talked about having to scale back the Pitocin a bit because I was contracting too fast, but that never happened.  You hear horror stories about Pitocin, and I wouldn’t say it was the worst thing ever, but I think that the sheer volume and frequency of my contractions was making it tough to handle.

Also, this was when I started laboring in different positions—on my side, standing, et cetera.  However, the nurses said I had a weird baby because he handled the contractions best on my back, and they felt the most bearable to me that way, so I did labor in bed most of the time.  When I was on my side, he would have some slightly alarming heart rate decelerations, so they had to help me move.

Right around that time, I was beginning to struggle with whether or not to get an epidural.  While I liked the idea of a med-free birth, I was working under augmented, un-natural-ish labor conditions, and I was not opposed.  Tim and I talked it over and he obviously supported whatever I wanted to do.  They’d warned me that it would probably take about an hour to get an epidural after I requested it, since they had to pump me with IV fluids first.

At 12:15, I told Tim I wanted the epidural and he called the nurse for me.  They started the IV fluids right away, and then I experienced the longest hour of my life while I waited.  The contractions were still hard and less than 2 minutes apart, and I was extremely queasy through them.  It really, really sucked.  But, the nice part was that I knew relief was on the way, and once I said “I want the epidural,” I felt immediate peace with that decision. 

Part two coming…when I can.  I have a newborn that needs a-squishin’, people!

Charles Thomas was born at 8:06 tonight. 9 pounds, 5 ounces, 21 inches (and 3 hours of pushing!) and we are all healthy!

So in love.

Our 5K walk did not send me into labor, but it felt worthy of commemorating since this is a fitness blog and all.  Yes, I finished, and it wasn’t that bad aside from having to pee and general baseball-bat-to-the-crotch feeling.

I don’t know why I’m posing like a supermodel, but…why not. 

So…bam.  41 weeks today.  Working it.

Let’s get this induction party started.  22 hours and counting!

One thing I didn’t anticipate was the crazy array of emotions that would come with being overdue.  Tomorrow, I will officially be 41 weeks pregnant, and even though I had mentally told myself I’d go late the entire pregnancy…there is nothing that can prepare you for this.  NOTHING.

The most jarring emotion that I didn’t expect was/is complete panic. Like, not worrying about how we’re going to care for the baby or anything, but just actual panic attacks that take my breath away where I can think nothing but “GET. HIM. OUT.” over and over again.  Like, I feel like I cannot possibly be pregnant for one more minute.  I’m not sure quite why, since I still feel pretty decent physically, but…I kind of feel like someone is sitting just an inch too close to me, and mouth breathing loudly in my ear, you now?

In other words, I’m struggling with…bodily integrity?  Or something.  Personal space, maybe.  Either way, it is absolutely panic-inducing, and I feel kind of bad about it, because everyone’s all, “enjoy it!” and I’m sure I will miss the kicks and such eventually.

Bullet points:

• Did two acupuncture induction sessions, one at 40w5d, one at 40w6d.  It was painful as hell, even though acupuncture is usually pretty calming.  The needles in the soles of my feet were particularly awful.  I reacted strongly to many of the needles…but no contractions, just an active baby.  My acupuncturist looked a little disappointed when I told her that.
• Have tried every natural induction method in the book—hours of walking, curb walking, spicy food…et cetera.  Nothing.
• I have managed to do a respectable amount of freezer meal making.  We now have homemade cinnamon and orange rolls, pizza dough, macaroni and cheese, meatballs, enchilada soup, and applesauce ready to go post-baby.  Not too shabby.
• My crotch hurts.  Pubic bone still feels like I’m being split in half.
• Swelling in the fingers and feet is kind of painful.  Especially in the morning.
• Clothing situation is dire.  Thank God for lululemon.  I cannot go more than a few hours without spilling all over myself because of the giant belly in the way, though. 

Anyway.  This WILL be the last weekly update, since come hell or high water I AM GETTING THIS BABY OUT by Wednesday at the very latest.  I’ll update when I can but may be a wee bit busy!

So I’ve been purposely vague about the specifics of “progress” at my doctor’s appointments here because 1) I know it’s pretty meaningless; and 2) isn’t the world better off with less talk about my cervix generally?  I think so.

I started having internal checks around 36 weeks.  At that point, I was 1 centimeter dilated and everything was very, very high.  I thought, no big deal, meaningless, plenty of time to progress.

Except every week since then, the report has been the same—1 centimeter, roughly 25% effaced, baby and accompanying cervix super high.  And now, at 40 weeks, 3 days pregnant, I’m overdue and it’s time for this kid to get the hell out.  I have had zero contractions or any other indication that my body is preparing for labor.

My doctor, who I trust, said that because the baby and I are so disgustingly healthy, we could safely go a few days past 41 weeks, but that at that point…there’s not really much benefit to him staying in, but a decent amount of risk.  And I agree.  I feel like going past 41 weeks has given him a good enough chance of coming out on his own, and I don’t really have anything to prove by resisting an induction.

So.  Our marching orders:

Bottom line: I will report for a Cervadil gel induction Monday night at 6 pm.  They’ll insert the gel.  If that doesn’t start contractions or break my water, they’ll proceed to Pitocin Tuesday morning at 6 am.

In some ways, I am both disappointed AND relieved.  I still have a few days for him to come on his own, but I feel a little sad that I might miss out on that, “OMG!  I’m in labor!” moment, and that I might have to deal with more intense contractions from Pitocin that might make avoiding pain medication more difficult.  I sort of feel a little bit like my body has failed me, too.  So that sucks a little bit.

But on the other hand, I feel relieved that we have a definite end date.  It was also nice that I was able to pick my favorite doctor to deliver the baby, since there are six possible options in my OB practice.  The doctor said I could schedule it any day between now and next Thursday, so I picked based on a) wanting to give it just a few more days to see if anything happens naturally and b) the doctor I felt the most comfortable with.  We’ll be able to make sure the animals are boarded safely and taken care of; Tim will be able to finish a few things up at work; the house will be clean and the laundry will be done; and my family is making travel plans.

So, it is what it is.  I’m going in for an acupuncture induction session on Friday, with a follow-up on Saturday if it doesn’t work, but I can’t believe that, no matter what, I’ll be holding our sweet baby boy within a week!