Brie Fit

What a freaking day.

Last night, around 9:30, we discovered our water heater was gushing water all over our utility room floor.  So that was fun.

When we finally made it to bed, I started to get majorly nauseous with horrible stomach cramps.  I don’t think I fell asleep until after 1 am.

I thought I’d turned a corner with the nausea thing last week, but this weekend and today has been ROUGH.  Like, the worst days yet, despite the Zofran.  Whoever coined the term “morning sickness” should be throttled.  Because if you’re me, it’s all day sickness, minus an hour or two immediately after meals.  If I can eat a meal.

You know, one thing I didn’t anticipate about pregnancy, because most of the pregnancy blogs I read are written by those who are self-employed and/or stay at home already, is that it is really freaking hard to pack yourself lunch and snacks for work.  I WISH I had the luxury of kitchen access all day long.  Instead, I usually wind up packing something, and hating the idea of it by lunchtime.  It’s not fun.

Two things that are usually okay, though:

Plain, natural applesauce cups, and…

Easy Mac.  I feel like kind of an idiot eating Cars-shaped pasta in a grown-up office, but whatever.  I’m at a point where if anyone gives me flak about it, I can return with the evil pregnant eye and blame it on the baby. And then maybe vomit on their shoes.

Anyway, I don’t anticipate getting back to CrossFit any time soon with the way I’ve been feeling.  I spend my days sitting quietly at my desk, willing the nausea to go away without much luck.  I miss it, and I feel insanely guilty for not being that healthy, exercising pregnant woman I’d always envisioned, but I’m trying to remind myself that I just have to go with what my body is telling me right now.

And right now?  That’s extra rest, and low-quality refined carbs.  I just hope I don’t have too much trouble getting back into it come second tri. 

Well, this week started with quite a scare.

On Monday, I experienced every pregnant woman’s worst nightmare—a sudden gush of blood.  Bad, bad, bad.

I called my OB immediately and they brought me in for an ultrasound 90 minutes later, bless their hearts.

Tim met me there and we were both freaking out a little.  They did an abdominal ultrasound first, and couldn’t see much since I apparently have a tilted ute.  So…then they went in, you know, the other way, and immediately we saw Lumpy’s little heartbeat, thumping away at an adorable 178 beats per minute.

He/she looks much bigger than a few weeks ago already!  And he/she even waggled his or her little hand paddles at us.  They looked like jazz hands.

Anyway, they determined that the bleeding was probably caused by a small uterine bleed, unrelated to the baby, that was irritated by the insane constipation I’ve had for the last several weeks.  (See that black spot to the left of Lumpy’s head?  That’s the source, apparently.)

So, the prescription of the week is pelvic rest, which means nothing goes up there AND (dun dun dun) no exercise until I’ve been bleed-free for three days.  And also a chaser of Miralax, nightly.  Considering I was finally getting back into CrossFit last week after some time off for extreme nausea…it makes me a little bit sad.  I miss exercise!  But obviously, whatever it takes to keep Lumpy happy.

(The bleeding tapered off Tuesday and was basically nonexistent Wednesday.  Thank God.)

We’re officially for real public now as of Valentine’s Day.  It’s even on Facebook!   I’m still a little tight-lipped about it at work, although my boss and two department members know.  I wouldn’t care if the news came out, it’s more a matter of “how do you tell random co-workers that you’re knocked up without being awkward about it?”  There is no good answer to that one, friends.

My pants are no longer buttoning, and I definitely feel bigger than usual.  Maybe it’s the fast food, maybe it’s my backed-up colon, maybe it’s a baby!  Perchance I’ll take a bump picture soon.

Symptoms:

• Nausea, still…though I actually have good days and bad days now, instead of them all being bad days.  I actually managed to make dinner twice this week!  (There were also two nights that involved Tim picking up dinner on his way home—Chipotle and Steak n’ Shake chicken tenders.)
• The last few weeks I’ve hated food so much I haven’t had any cravings at all.  It’s been more like “eat the one thing that sounds okay.”  But this week, they’re starting to creep up on me!  Notable cravings include:
  • Fresh strawberries with Stonyfield vanilla yogurt.  Of COURSE I’m craving fresh strawberries in February, but the imported-from-God-knows-where variety actually isn’t bad. 
  • Chicken tenders from Culver’s.  (I substituted with the aforementioned Steak n’ Shake, because Culver’s is too far away.)
  • Nuts.  Peanut butter is still kind of grossing me out, but I’ve been very much enjoying Trader Joe’s trail mix with almonds, cashews, and dried cranberries for a healthy snack. 
• My boobs hurt.  Enough said.  They have for weeks.  This week is no different.
• Tiredness.  Not as bad as it could be, but I’ve been sleepier than I have the past few weeks this week.
• Middle of the night bathroom trips. 
• Round ligament pain, maybe?  I’m having weird stretchy/pully feelings down low.  Maybe it’s just gas.

So, now week 9 is over.  I’m ready to hit the double digits!  Week 10 starts tomorrow!

(And that marks the last of my backlogged pregnancy updates for now.  These posts will be once a week from now on!  For real.)

At the start of week 8, I bought two cute baby things:

$1.97 and $3.97, respectively, at Baby Gap.  Score!

This was the menu plan for the week:

The nausea comes and goes, but I just do not feel like eating, which is way out of character for me.  I can feel in my stomach that I’m hungry, but all food just sounds terrible.  It’s really a vicious cycle…I don’t want to snack, so I don’t, but by the time mealtime rolls around I’m so hungry I could cry.  Except still, nothing sounds good, so I usually wind up honing in on one thing that sounds edible (usually, Kraft mac and cheese, or some other kind of unhealthy pasta dish) and stuffing my face like a crazy lady.  I’m going to work on force feeding myself some snacks to hopefully prevent this, because it’s kind of miserable.

(Side note: my doctor prescribed me Zofran, an anti-nausea medication, which helps a LOT.  But, for the love of God, make sure you take it with a chaser of Colace and/or Miralax.  Just…trust me on this one.)

At 8w1d I returned to CrossFit after a week long hiatus, and it was tough.  My heart is beating ~20bpm harder than it was pre-pregnancy, according to my heart rate monitor, which means I get winded faster and it takes me longer to recover.  I am taking plenty of breaks and making sure to not push too hard, which is hard with my competitive nature.

I went again at 8w6d and it was much better.  It was a partner workout, and I worked with a pregnant friend of mine, due in July, so we took it easy.  So, two workouts this week, which makes me happy.  Next week, maybe I’ll shoot for three?  We also got our new treadmill set up, so I think I’m going to attempt some light running and walking at some point.

This week, we’ve also started “coming out” in real life.  We mailed our parents Valentines with the ultrasound pictures in them, and signed them from Brie, Tim, and Baby, due 9/16/12.  Of course, both sets of future grandparents were thrilled!  We also told the rest of our extended families, and I wore a For Two Fitness “Sweating for Two” top to CrossFit to break the news.  (My coaches knew right away, for safety reasons.)  The Facebook and blog worlds will find out on Valentine’s Day!

Now, on to week 9, which should make me just about current with these posts.  While this won’t become a pregnancy blog, per se, I will talk openly and frequently about it.  Right now, I haven’t been blogging much because I haven’t been exercising (because I’m sick all the time) and I haven’t really been eating (other than ridiculous food choices that would have given me away instantly).  But those will both make an appearance from here on out.

On to week 9!

So what’s hanging out in my ute?

This pretty little thing.

(The circle on top is the yolk sac, the head is on the left, the butt is on the right.  Lumpy is leg-less so far.)

Going into our ultrasound, I was surprisingly calm.  Maybe it’s the acupuncture, or maybe it’s that I absorbed some of a church message involving “be not afraid” a few weeks ago.  But I went in knowing and trusting that our baby was waiting for me, and there he/she was.

One perfect baby, measuring two days ahead of schedule, making my official due date September 16th.

One beautiful heartbeat, flickering on the screen, measuring at 158 bpm.

I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

And then I looked up at Tim’s face, his mouth open, and what does he say?

“He’ll be starting for Mizzou!”

Then we high fived.

I never claimed we were a normal couple, but…here we are.

We got two pictures from the ultrasound tech (who was about the sweetest person ever, after the crazy heifer tech who tried to convince me “maybe your dates are just off by six weeks” when I had my first ultrasound last time ‘round, but I digress), and Tim asked if he could keep one.

Then later he texted me that he had kept Lumpy in his shirt pocket all day.  Slayed me dead.

In other week 7 news, week 6’s nausea is NOTHING compared to this week.  I wake up and dry heave.  I eat out constantly because I can only eat very specific things at very specific times, and nothing else will do.  (Like Starbucks smoothies, or McDonald’s chicken sandwiches. Healthy, no.  Do I care, no.  Eating something is better for the baby than eating nothing, and I gag on any food that is not exactly what I want at that exact time.)  Thankfully, my doctor prescribed Zofran, which has been helping keep things under control a bit.

I went grocery shopping at 7w6d and I’m pretty sure a zombie took over my cart.

Bland, noodle-y carbs.  White bread.  Sugary cereal.  Freaking spaghetti in a can (which I never did eat, but the fact that I bought it alarms me enough).  Who am I?  But literally, nothing sounds good.  Meat?  Forget it.  Veggies? Gag me.

(Side note: it felt surprisingly liberating to grocery shop in this state.  I never would have bought these things pre-pregnancy in a million years.  But when you’re wandering the store aisles, and literally have to go with the “can I eat this without puking?” test, nutritional value goes out the window and it’s really a matter of eat vs. don’t eat.  It’s very humbling.)

Oh, and exercise.  Yeah, I haven’t done that for a week.  I feel bad, but it’s all I can do to keep myself from gagging and make it to work.  I’m hoping in a few weeks I’ll be back at it?

On to week 8.

And…cue the nausea. 

At the beginning of the week, I was all, “hey, let’s keep a plethora of healthy snacks around!  Snacking keeps morning sickness at bay!”

Except then I started gagging at the mere thought of anything that isn’t a heavily salted carb before 3 pm.  So I went out and bought supplies.

Saltines, lemon drops, Lifesavers, crystallized lemon, and pretzels.  (Lemon has anti-nausea properties—who knew?  So does ginger, but ginger is gross.) 

I am going to gain an inappropriate amount of weight this pregnancy if I keep up with the constant eating, but it’s all that keeps me from dry heaving at my desk.  I nibble pretzels and crackers and suck on candy all day long. 

I am kind of ashamed, but this baby wants fast food.  The only foods that sound good to me are the things I wouldn’t normally eat, like McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches and Chick-Fil-A waffle fries and blue box mac and cheese.  I went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch one day and it actually made me feel a ton better, so for now, I’m going with the “eat what sounds good” theory.

I haven’t puked yet, but I have the nose of a hound and a sensitive gag reflex and food aversions and I spent an entire day in bed this weekend.  It’s like having the worst hangover of your life.  Some days are better than others, but still, it’s rough. 

(Obviously, this is no big deal, and I will be thrilled if this just results in a healthy baby.  That’s all that matters.)

This week…I’m maybe starting to let myself get a little excited.  Just a few more days until we find out what’s hanging out in my ute!  Eep!

You guys, I don’t know if it’s the repeat miscarriages or what, but I just can’t really get super excited for this stuff quite like I did the first time around.  So I apologize if my early pregnancy updates kind of suck.  I feel like I’ll maybe stop guarding myself so much once we see a heartbeat, but until then…all my emotions are just kind of hesitant.

And then I feel bad, because my baby isn’t getting crazy naïve wonderful first-time-mom love like it should.  Hooray for the first iteration of mommy guilt!

I parked here.  No shame.

Symptoms:

• Still with the really loud pulse in my ears.  Bizarre.
• Exhaustion is making an appearance.  Crazy, bone-sucking exhaustion.  I am lucky to make it to 9 pm before I need to get in bed.
• Mild nausea.  Just little waves of it, here and there, if I don’t eat for awhile.

Wisdom:

• Don’t attempt wall climbs with a touch of the morning sickness.

I’ve still been CrossFitting regularly.  I’m bumping down the intensity a smidgen, but I remain a firm believer that exercise during pregnancy is a-okay.

I had a spotting scare over the weekend, but it turned out that I just needed to chill out a bit and everything stopped.

So, week five.  Done and done.

You know, I can’t help but have déjà vu with all this, because I did the whole secret blogging week-by-week thing the first time around.  I apologize if this is a little less than enthusiastic, because I kind of blew my load of first-time-mom squeals back in October.

I took some half-assed “bump” pictures but I just looked horribly bloated and my bathroom mirror looked dirty, so hey, I’ll try again when I have something to show for it.

I got poked with a needle three times this week.

• Result #1: HCG 50, progesterone 17.9.  My chart was a little sketchy on my ovulation date, so I’m thinking this was either 12DPO or 13DPO.  Both numbers are within normal limits, so, hooray.
• Result #2: HCG 117, no need to re-test progesterone.  The deal with HCG is that it needs to double in 48 hours, and my blood was drawn EXACTLY 48 hours apart, so it more than doubled.  Hooray for our little overachiever!
• Result #3: HCG 309.  Boom goes the dynamite.  More than doubled again.

So, now we wait for my first ultrasound and appointment on February 2nd.

Symptoms:

• Morning sickness.  I’m such a cliché.  I feel kind of gross in the morning.  Sometimes I don’t, and then I panic that I’m having another miscarriage.  Fun!
• Gastrointestinal issues.  I’m so gassy and bloated.  Et cetera.  Use your imagination.
• Bloating.  My pants fit in the morning and are uncomfortable by the end of the day.
• Lots of peeing.  Especially at night.
• I have too much blood in my body.  I don’t really know how to describe this appropriately, but…you know when you stand up too fast and you can feel your pulse pounding in your ears?  I have that, like, constantly when I’m standing upright.  It’s unnerving.  Maybe I need to be leeched.

Other:

• I’m a little annoyed.  Guys, first tri sucks.  I was just rounding the victory lap corner last time, preparing to tell everyone I’m pregnant and emerge triumphantly from my zombie-like exhausted state…and I miscarried.  I just feel like I’ve been handed a giant, “Screw you, go back to the start” card in Monopoly.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy and grateful to be pregnant again, but can’t I just fastforward to the cute pregnant lady with a healthy viable baby part?  Don’t I get to use those 10 weeks towards my next pregnancy?  Lame.
• I bought tiny baby pajamas with monsters on them.  I feel like there’s this huge…thing…that occurs once you’ve had a miscarriage, and that’s that you have to be completely guarded, superstitious, and secretive about any subsequent pregnancies.  Well, I say, eff that.  Buying a onesie isn’t going to cause me to miscarry again.  And if, God forbid, I do, it’s folded in the baby’s room closet which I never go in anyway, and it’ll be there when we do eventually have a sticky baby.  So there.

And thus ends week four.  On to week five!

On Sunday, January 8, I woke up around 8 and tested.  Tim knew what I was up to, but was still in bed, cuddling with Milhouse.

I was nervous, but I saw the second line pop up before I even flushed the toilet.

I crawled back into bed.  Tim looked at me, eyebrows raised, and I said, “I’m pregnant!”

He immediately began cuddling…the dog.  Which I found hysterical.  We stayed in bed for awhile, figuring out when my due date would be and such.

Since this was not our first time at the pee-on-a-stick rodeo, it wasn’t the all out freakout we had the first time.  Nor was it the “is that a line/why am I bleeding” of the second time.  This time was just plain old quiet happiness.

Later that night, we got out our wedding toasting flutes and toasted our baby.  Who has been nicknamed Lumpy.

And now, let the fun begin…

• Yep.  That was why I didn’t post for two weeks.  Not real smooth, huh?  I kind of lost my content when I spent a week away from CrossFit because I could barely function.  And lord knows I couldn’t have done any food blogging, because I was (okay, still kind of am) eating bagels, Kraft mac and cheese…and that’s about it.
• I’m 9 weeks and 2 days pregnant as of today.  The ultrasound picture in the post was actually from yesterday, since I’m unfortunately in the midst of a bit of a spotting scare.  But, we saw the baby yesterday, little hands and feet wiggling away, with a strong heartbeat of 178.  So, we’re choosing to remain positive, since it appears the cause is a random, small intrauterine bleed unrelated to the baby coupled with serious constipation.  It’s obviously nerve-wracking, though.
• The next few days, posts catching you up to where I am now, week by week, will go up.  Some are more scintillating than others.  The blog may be pregnancy-centric for awhile, but I do hope that come second trimester in a few short weeks I’ll be back to a more normal exercise and eating schedule.  I plan to keep up CrossFit throughout pregnancy (modified as necessary) and have been a few times in the last week.
• Do I think acupuncture and my dietary changes helped?  Well, it’s hard to say.  I don’t put a ton of stock in the diet recommendations, since I think they are geared towards general fertility and, well, fertility hasn’t been an issue for us.  But I do think acupuncture helped, largely with my anxiety, mood, and general energy levels. The last few weeks really should have been incredibly scary, but I’ve been surprisingly calm and fearless.   I’ve also not been completely exhausted, which is nice.
• Yes, we will find out the sex of the baby!  April 23rd is the big day and I can’t wait.  For the record, Tim’s official guess is girl, and my official guess is boy.
• The shirt in my announcement post was courtesy of For Two Fitness, an incredibly compassionate company that contacted me after my miscarriage post to express how sorry they were for our loss. 
• Thank you for all your kind words, and encouragement along the way!  Obviously it’s been a scary road for us, but it’s so nice to know I have so much support here.

I’m in love.  With someone else, that isn’t Tim.

And Tim’s in love with someone else, too.

Meet Lumpy.

Coming on or around September 16, 2012.

We couldn’t possibly be happier or more excited right now.

(Shirt: For Two Fitness)